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Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 1
Nowadays, Many state-sponsored and private- funded sport events and ceremonies like the Olympics or Hung Festival are rising despite the fact that many low-income people are unable to access to the healthcare and education services. This may be the reason why  I accept the statement about investing more money in social welfare service for many reasons. Firstly, we are not capable up making sure that all government expenditure in those extravagant events is used wisely because clearly many great and huge events ended up leading to high debts and many abundant facilities. For example, Philippines citizens had criticized their government for unprofessional organizing, meaningless and wasteful torch and more pointedly, high corruption in SEA Games 2019 although billions of dollars had been invested by the state. Many of them argue that all money should use to improve their low-quality hospitals, school facilities. Moreover, we really need to be concerned about obesity while the rise of digital life in which people are so lazy in doing regular exercise. Easily for example, nearly 50% of Vietnamese teenagers, according to Zing Vn, got obesity in a regular survey of the government and the most common reason accounting for that bad trajectory is the addiction to game shows and Football matches on their tablets. Additionally, many students are unable to finish their graduation just because of the high tuition fee so investing more in education must be our priority to solve both problems instead of spending too much on events. Personally, despite festivals are important parts of our life, we must prioritise the development of basic services for the poor.
Nowadays,
Many
state-sponsored and private- funded sport
events
and ceremonies like the Olympics or Hung Festival are rising despite the fact that
many
low-income
people
are unable to access to the healthcare and education services. This may be the reason why
 
I accept the statement about investing more money in social welfare service for
many
reasons.

Firstly
, we are not capable up making sure that all
government
expenditure in those extravagant
events
is
used
wisely
because
clearly
many
great and huge
events
ended up leading to high debts and
many
abundant facilities.
For example
, Philippines citizens had criticized their
government
for unprofessional organizing, meaningless and wasteful torch and more
pointedly
, high corruption in SEA Games 2019 although billions of dollars had
been invested
by the state.
Many
of them argue that all money should
use
to
improve
their low-quality hospitals, school facilities.

Moreover
, we
really
need to
be concerned
about obesity while the rise of digital life in which
people
are
so
lazy in doing regular exercise.
Easily
for example
,
nearly
50% of Vietnamese
teenagers
, according to Zing
Vn
,
got
obesity in a regular survey of the
government
and the most common reason accounting for that
bad
trajectory is the addiction to game
shows
and Football matches on their tablets.
Additionally
,
many
students are unable to finish their graduation
just
because
of the high tuition fee
so
investing more in education
must
be our priority to solve both problems
instead
of spending too much on
events
.

Personally
, despite festivals are
important
parts of our life, we
must
prioritise
the development of basic services for the poor.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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