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Some people use the social media to keep up with people and events. Do you think the advantages of this technology outweighs its' disadvantages v.1

Some people use the social media to keep up with people and events. Do you think the advantages of this technology outweighs its' disadvantages v. 1
It is no doubt that about an automation of nowadays, as today machines have quite common in all over the world. More and more individuals tend to use technology advents for saving the too much time in life. Different people have own different tasted. Certain people consume the social websites to stay connected with friend, family as well as about the functions. There are many advantages of using auto machines and some drawbacks. I will explain the pros and cons of this occur in the upcoming paragraphs. Since an automation comes into the human's hands, people use excessive it in their life. First of all, technology has made many advancement factors. Like as, smartphones, laptops and many more. These features keep connected with each other. To cite an example, it is natural seen that, the masses either spend enough point on a laptop or smartphone. These advances hold the value of letters and email. These features offer free softwares to the people, such as wasps, Facebook, which stay connected with other people. Also, technology helps to the individuals for searching the current events in their life. For example, in the last five decades, people value letters, which delayed to them. But nowadays, people call to their friends easily in few minutes. Another benefit is that, the ads are playing considerable role in soul. Likewise, with the help of automation innovation, they feel up to date with advertisements, which provide the knowledge. However, some people claim that it has some drawbacks behind this phenomenon. Firstly, it becomes to people lazy as well as keep in certain diseases. For instance, when people benefit it for a long generation. There are many hackers run some hack to an account, which has become their a business. There are many times when people get lost the money. Even though it saves the generation of people, but it generates the diseases in public heart. To conclude, even though growth has become faster due to machinery, yet it has many benefits. I deem that it has a plethora of advantages than disadvantages. And these advantages overweight the disadvantages.
It is no doubt that about an automation of nowadays, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
machines have quite common in all over the world. More and more individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology advents for saving the too much time in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasted. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume the social websites to stay connected with friend, family
as well
as about the functions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of using auto machines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the pros and cons of this occur in the upcoming paragraphs.

Since an automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into the
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human hands"?
human's hands
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
excessive it in their life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advancement factors. Like as, smartphones, laptops and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. These features
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
connected with each other. To cite an example, it is natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, the masses either spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
point on a laptop or smartphone. These advances hold the value of letters and email. These features offer free
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as wasps, Facebook, which stay connected with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Also
, technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the individuals for searching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their life.
For example
, in the last five decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
value letters, which delayed to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
call to their friends
easily
in few minutes. Another benefit is that, the ads are playing considerable role in soul.
Likewise
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of automation innovation, they feel up to date with advertisements, which provide the knowledge.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks behind this phenomenon.
Firstly
, it becomes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in certain diseases.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
benefit it for a long generation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hackers run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hack to an account, which has become
Did you mean "there"?
their
a business. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost the money.
Even though
it saves the generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it generates the diseases in public heart.

To conclude
,
even though
growth has become faster due to machinery,
yet
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. I deem that it has a plethora of advantages than disadvantages. And these advantages overweight the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people use the social media to keep up with people and events. Do you think the advantages of this technology outweighs its' disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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