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Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh the advantages? v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh the advantages? v. 1
Undoubtedly, social media websites have been widespread in every corner of the world. The masses of all age groups socialise on the myriad social sites and keep updating personal information with their friends and relatives. However, there are pros and cons of this trend. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages which I will discuss in forthcoming paragraphs. Commencing with the merits of this phenomenon. Firstly, social websites are a great source of entertainment, therefore individuals can enjoy and relax themselves by using it. Although these days people are busy with their busy and hectic life schedule, so they can spend their leisure time through use of social websites. Moreover, they keep themselves in touch with their beloved ones and close friends. Moving in the same direction of the merits of social websites. Folks come to know about the latest news and day to day activities of their known individuals through their posted updates regarding daily schedules. Additionally, they post photos on various social applications, such as Facebook, and photos appear on these sites, thus, it remains as memories for years. Turning to the demerits of this trend. Individuals share the personal data, information on social sites openly and sometimes it appears on the internet in various places, nevertheless someone can misuse or leak the personal information, which may damage the reputation of the individual. Furthermore, some hackers can hack the websites, if sites are not well concerned privately in the privacy settings of gadgets. To recapitulate, it is clear that sharing personal information through social sites is beneficial, but some negative effects always outweigh through it. So, one should know the privacy concerns about it, before sharing personal life information on social sites.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media websites have been widespread in every corner of the world. The masses of all age groups
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
on the myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with their friends and relatives.
However
, there are pros and cons of this trend. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages which I will discuss in forthcoming paragraphs.

Commencing with the merits of this phenomenon.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites are a great source of entertainment,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can enjoy and relax themselves by using it. Although these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy with their busy and hectic life schedule,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can spend their leisure time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves in touch with their beloved ones and close friends.

Moving in the same direction of the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites. Folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the latest news and day to day activities of their known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their posted updates regarding daily schedules.
Additionally
, they post photos on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
applications, such as Facebook, and photos appear on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
thus
, it remains as memories for years.

Turning to the demerits of this trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
openly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it appears on the internet in various places,
nevertheless
someone can misuse or leak the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, which may damage the reputation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hackers can hack the websites, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are not well concerned
privately
in the privacy settings of gadgets.

To recapitulate, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects always outweigh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one should know the privacy concerns about it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think advantages of social media outweigh the advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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