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Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
A modern technology has brought a big boom through the social media applications which are used by the majority of people to gather information about the national and international news, and to enhance their interactions with their families, friends and neighbours. In my view, the merits of the advancement in the different modes of communication are much more in numbers than demerits. On the one hand, a competitive world has made really challenging for the people to find a leisure time out of their professional and family commitments to meet their contacts and read newspapers. However, social media such as Facebook and WhatsApp have helped to interact with their families and friends irrespective of distance and time within a fraction of seconds rather than writing a letter and posting it. Secondly, the digital media gives the update on the current affairs, upcoming technologies, weather forecast, job vacancies, or any other major incident occurred in the any part of the world instantly rather than waiting for the newspaper in the next morning. Hence, the digitalisation has escalated the level of awareness among the people about their vicinity, and strengthen the interactive bond among the communities. On the other hand, the several fake news or misguiding information is showcased on the social media which can create a huge chaos and panic among the public. For instance, the personal lives of famous personalities are scrutinized with the unconfirmed news, and several are defamed with such unlawful acts. Moreover, there are lots of security issues resulting in stealing the personal details, hacking, malicious acts, and thus increasing the rate of cyber crimes. To recapitulate, I opine that social media is acting as a great source of spreading the news in the various categories of health, technology, sports, national and international fields, and additionally helping the people to build their relations and strengthen them.
A modern technology has brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
boom through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gather information about the national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, and to enhance their interactions with their families, friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. In my view, the merits of the advancement in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of communication are much more in numbers than demerits.

On the one hand, a competitive world has made
really
challenging for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a leisure time out of their professional and family commitments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their contacts and read newspapers.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook and WhatsApp have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to interact with their families and friends irrespective of distance and time within a fraction of seconds
rather
than writing a letter and posting it.
Secondly
, the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
gives the update on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs, upcoming technologies, weather forecast, job vacancies, or any other major incident occurred in the any part of the world
instantly
rather
than waiting for the newspaper in the
next
morning.
Hence
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalisation' is British English.
digitalisation
has escalated the level of awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their vicinity, and strengthen the interactive bond among the communities.

On the other hand
, the several fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or misguiding information
is showcased
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which can create a huge chaos and panic among the public.
For instance
, the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities
are scrutinized
with the unconfirmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, and several
are defamed
with such unlawful acts.
Moreover
, there are lots of security issues resulting in stealing the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, hacking, malicious acts, and
thus
increasing the rate of cyber crimes.

To recapitulate, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is acting as a great source of spreading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the various categories of health, technology, sports, national and international fields, and
additionally
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to build their relations and strengthen them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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