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Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 10
These days It is an undeniable fact that tourist spots in every country have become more popular and have so many visitors. All over the world, nations are trying to showcase their respective countries to attract visitors because of the belief that with more tourist, more money will come in. I completely agree that the disadvantages of the international movement should be handled prudently to lessen its adverse effects on a nation. In this essay I will support my opinion on the drawbacks of vacation industry by relevant examples Firstly, travel activities can threaten the traditional culture of a kingdom. Local people tend to imitate the cultures that are brought by the tourists from their home countries. Based on a cultural research conducted in Indonesia last year, local people stated that their traditional cultures are not suitable to the modern era, whereas the cultures brought by tourists to their state are more suitable and modern. For example, more local people like wearing modern clothes rather than traditional one as well as they follow more modern dances than the traditional one. Another Reason why I agree is leisure industry can cause the bad effect to the environment. Pollution threatens a certain place because of the growing number of people and establishments. For instance, garbage disposal may become a problem due to the increase volume of wastes and of people who fail to properly dispose their wastes. Take Bali as an example besides getting awards because of the successful Holiday, business, this city is well-known for the rubbish as well. Then, the local people get the effect to their environment, such as land pollution, flood, and air pollution because of the waste. In conclusion, a flourishing travel has its economic advantages for the republic and its citizens. Its ill effects, however, can lead to the destruction of the environment that was once a beautiful and profit-generating attraction.
These days It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
spots in every country have become more popular and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
visitors. All over the world, nations are trying to showcase their respective countries to attract visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the belief that with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
, more money will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in.

I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the disadvantages of the international movement should
be handled
prudently
to lessen its adverse effects on a nation. In this essay I will support my opinion on the drawbacks of vacation industry by relevant
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
examples


Firstly
, travel activities can threaten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a kingdom.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to imitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that
are brought
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from their home countries. Based on a cultural research conducted in Indonesia last year,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stated that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are not suitable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to their state are more suitable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
.
For example
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
clothes
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
one
as well
as they follow more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
dances than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
one.

Another Reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
is leisure industry can cause the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to the environment. Pollution threatens a certain place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and establishments.
For instance
, garbage disposal may become a problem due to the increase volume of wastes and of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who fail to
properly
dispose their wastes. Take Bali as an example
besides
getting awards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the successful Holiday, business, this city is well-known for the rubbish
as well
. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to their environment, such as land pollution, flood, and air pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the waste.

In conclusion
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "flourishing travel".
a flourishing travel
has its economic advantages for the republic and its citizens. Its ill effects,
however
, can lead to the destruction of the environment that was once a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and profit-generating attraction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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