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Some people thinks that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people thinks that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. v. 2
Unqualified successful professional have raised question on grading system. While some part of demographic society believes that finishing tertiary education secures a qualified job, other modernised people hold a view that getting directly into corporate culture and gaining experience is more helpful. In my opinion, i believe that qualification is integral part of working system. On one side of the argument, there are some reasons why people consider a notion that working without qualified education and getting practical knowledge is adequate. Firstly, working experience is considered more than enough instead of legal qualification. Because of they might feel that ultimate goal is to get a good working position and it does not require a certification in order to prove their working ability and efficiency. Furthermore, some people believe that working in same field provides essential skills and that can not be achieved by just passing some exams. Therefore, they believe that practical approach is more effective. Despite the above argument, i am of the view that educational qualification are far more important than actual experience. Indeed, one reason i take this position is that any graduate must have their first class educational qualification before getting into introductory step of selection procedure. Because every esteemed organization would prefer an approved qualified professional instead of an experienced executive. In addition, certain positions require accurate measures to fulfill and it can not be left upon irresponsible education dropout. Therefore, i believe that qualified person is asset to an organization. In conclusion, though both views are commonly held in the society, i consider that educational certificates has more values than experience notes of few years. Therefore, given this situation, it is recommended that people should finish their university education before getting in to corporate world.
Unqualified successful professional have raised question on grading system. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of demographic society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that finishing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
secures a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
job, other
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a view that getting
directly
into corporate culture and gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more helpful. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
is integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
system.

On one side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider a notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and getting practical knowledge is adequate.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is considered
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
instead
of legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
.
Probable usage error. Use "Because they" instead.
Because of they
might feel that ultimate goal is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
position and it does not require a certification in order to prove their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ability and efficiency.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in same field provides essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and that can not
be achieved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exams.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that practical approach is more effective.

Despite the above argument,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am of the view that educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
Indeed
, one reason
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
take this position is that any graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have their
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting into introductory step of selection procedure.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
every esteemed organization would prefer an approved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
professional
instead
of an experienced executive.
In addition
, certain positions require accurate measures to fulfill and it can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
upon irresponsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
dropout.
Therefore
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
person is asset to an organization.

In conclusion
, though both views are
commonly
held in the society,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
consider that educational certificates has more values than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
notes of few years.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this situation, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should finish their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting in to corporate world.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people thinks that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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