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At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v.2

At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v. 2
In this contemporary era, few nations consist huge number of adolescents as part of the population than the aged people. In my perspective, it has some drawbacks but larger youth means to bright future of the country. On of the main disadvantage of having more youngsters is getting less opportunity to secure a job. Every country has certain amount of job availability. Huge number of young people demands huge number of jobs. As Government is unable to provide them job, those countries are fighting with unemployment that is enough reason to exacerbate the whole situation of a country. Furthermore, elderly people have more experience and historical knowledge that are indispensable in decision making. They are often considered as better fit in the decision making positions and the tax they have paid their entire life made the progress of the country in many possible ways. On the other hand, young people are full with energy and new ideas. They are dynamic and contribute to any field of the industry. They can cope up with the fast pace of evolving technology and also can adapt any invention and enhance it' s progress with their ideas. They are free from superstitions and traditional beliefs. This gives them a competitive advantage for the faster development with the country. In addition, educated young people is the best resource of a country can have and their involvement to the country is significantly higher than the participation of the senior people. Also, youth is the future of a country and they are the earning members of the family while children and aged people are dependent on them. Nowadays IT companies are full of fresh minds and this sector is considered to be the most prominent aspect of well round of a nation. To recapitulate, aged citizens should not be considered as burden to the society. However, youth have more to contribute to society and nation as a whole. So it is beneficial to have active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
In this contemporary era, few nations consist huge number of adolescents as part of the population than the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my perspective, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
larger youth means to bright future of the country.

On of the main disadvantage of having more youngsters is getting less opportunity to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
availability. Huge number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demands huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is unable to provide them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are fighting with unemployment
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
reason to exacerbate the whole situation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more experience and historical knowledge that are indispensable in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as better fit in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
positions and the tax they have paid their entire life made the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible ways.

On the other hand
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
energy and new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. They are dynamic and contribute to any field of the industry. They can cope up with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of evolving technology and
also
can adapt any invention and enhance
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s progress with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are free from superstitions and traditional beliefs. This gives them a competitive advantage for the faster development with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
, educated young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the best resource of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have and their involvement to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
significantly
higher than the participation of the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, youth is the future of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they are the earning members of the family while children and aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dependent on them. Nowadays IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are full of fresh minds and this sector
is considered
to be the most prominent aspect of well round of a nation.

To recapitulate, aged citizens should not
be considered
as burden to the society.
However
, youth have more to contribute to society and nation as a whole.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is beneficial to have active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, comparatively with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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