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Some people think that getting a degree from University is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that getting a degree from University is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. v. 1
While it is often thought that getting a quality occupation can only be guaranteed upon obtaining a University degree, others believe that instead of aspiring for a degree, opting for experience once and for all immediately after High School is better. In my opinion, I think the kind of job one aspires to do should determine whether to go to the University or get a job immediately. On the one hand, organisations tend to value people of higher qualifications during the interview process. This sole reason is an inspiration for people to study at the University in order that their Degree will give them an edge to work at their desired company. Furthermore, we as people know that higher schooling means more knowledge and as a result, there will always be a need for one's degree sooner or later. On the other hand, some jobs do not need the degree earned but prefer to employ well experienced individuals in order to adequately carry out the duties of such role. This seem to apply more in practical jobs such as driving, catering, cooking, cleaning etc. Results show that no matter the degrees acquired, a person with initial experience will better perform those tasks. Finally, I believe that there is no hard and fast rule to getting a great job, instead, if one considers his career path, he or she may better be able to choose which is more fitting to his circumstances. While I agree that professional jobs may require University certificates, I think otherwise about blue collar jobs. In conclusion, having considered the varied opinions of what guarantees a good job, I however agree that Degrees are vital only for professionals, because experience may be more paramount for non-professionals.
While it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that getting a quality occupation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be guaranteed
upon obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, others believe that
instead
of aspiring for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, opting for experience once and for all immediately after High School is better. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
one aspires to do should determine whether to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
tend to value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of higher qualifications during the interview process. This sole reason is an inspiration for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to study at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in order that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
will give them an edge to work at their desired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Furthermore
, we as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know that higher schooling means more knowledge and
as a result
, there will always be a need for one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
sooner or later.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prefer to employ well experienced individuals in order to
adequately
carry out the duties of such role.
The verb 'seem' is plural. Did you mean: "This seems"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This seem
to apply more in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as driving, catering, cooking, cleaning etc. Results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that no matter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
acquired, a person with initial experience will better perform those tasks.

Finally
, I believe that there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to getting a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
instead
, if one considers his career path, he or she may better be able to choose which is more fitting to his circumstances. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
certificates, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
about blue collar jobs.

In conclusion
, having considered the varied opinions of what guarantees a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degrees
are vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for professionals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
experience may be more paramount for non-professionals.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that getting a degree from University is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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