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Many people work long hours leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages v.1

Many people work long hours leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages v. 1
It is widely accepted that these days many people work for long hours and have hardly any time for entertainment activities. In my opinion, I think merely working for a long time with less time for leisure can cause more harm to people than any benefits, it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits to people for working long hours and having less time for leisure activities. Firstly, human beings can earn more money and satisfy their desired wants and needs. In other words, having more money in one' s possession gives people enough choices to fulfill their various luxury needs. For example, according to a recent survey of people between the age of 24-32, 64% of people are ready to work for 6 days a weak to earn more and buy their favorite branded attires and various popular expensive electronic gadgets. Secondly, since some people enjoy their work, they do not intend to take leave or devote time for entertainment activities. This habit makes them work for longer hours without worrying for the time to devote to entertainment activities. Therefore, satisfying one' s personal needs and having a satisfying job is a couple of reasons people indulge in working for a longer duration. Nevertheless, despite the minimal advantages mentioned above, I think people face serious consequence by working longer and devoting less time for fun-based activities. One potential dangerous problem is that merely working without taking enough break for fun can lead to stress in human beings, as these days job involves too much of pressure which need intensive mental involvement. For instance, a majority of the population in a small town of western India regularly suffers from depression and stress-related problems due to the law of that town to indulge people in working for 6 days a week and giving a holiday for traveling once in 2 years. Another obvious issue is that people who have less time for their hobbies and work longer are more likely to suffer in their family life. Since the most of the time is consumed at work, they get less time to spend with family; therefore, week family bonding. Thus, stress-related issues and less family touch are major issues that people face while working more and having less time for entertainment. In conclusion, working more and spending less time for fun activities can cause serious drawbacks such as health-related issues and having week family connections which can cause more harm to people than any minor advantages it might bring.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long hours and have hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
merely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure can cause more harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than any benefits, it might bring.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long hours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, human beings can earn more money and satisfy their desired wants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more money in
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s possession gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
choices to fulfill their various luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
, according to a recent survey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between the age of 24-32, 64% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for 6 days a weak to earn more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their favorite branded attires and various popular expensive electronic gadgets.
Secondly
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they do not intend to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
or devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This habit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
hours without
The verb 'worry' does not normally take the preposition 'for'. Did you mean "worrying about"?
worrying for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote to entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, satisfying
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a satisfying job is a couple of reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
duration.

Nevertheless
, despite the minimal advantages mentioned above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "by". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for fun-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. One potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problem is that
merely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
break for fun can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in human beings, as these days job involves too much of pressure which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
intensive mental involvement.
For instance
, a majority of the population in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town of western India
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
regularly


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
suffers
from depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related problems due to the law of that town to indulge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for 6 days a week and giving a holiday for traveling once in 2 years. Another obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their hobbies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
are more likely to suffer in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. Since the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is consumed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
;
therefore
, week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
touch are major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can cause serious drawbacks such as health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections which can cause more harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than any minor advantages it might bring.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many people work long hours leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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