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Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v.2

Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v. 2
With the rise in modernisation, there are many problems came to know in the world. One of these is Isomnia. In this problem, people cannot sleep at night. Many masses believe that, it is cost by increasing pace of life while others think that individual’s lifestyle is the main fault. I shall explore the causes of this forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, The most pressing concern about Isomnia is individual, s lifestyle. Isomnia is caused by person’s Daily diet and its day-to-day activities. People suffer more if they don’t have proper diet plan. Moreover, second reason for this is poor environment of room because in which room we sleep, if it has air-pollution or noise pollution then we can sleep well. So, sleeping room must have very good environment fir sleeping. On the contrary side, no doubt time is the major reason for this but increasing pace of life is also the reason of isomnia. People working more and more to get success in life. Pressure of society or family also force person to do more work. These tensions create a extra stress on individuals mind. Because it is too difficult to manage your expenditures and fulfill all the requirements of the family. Eventhat most of the students suffer from isomnia due to thd burden of studies. In conclusion, Isomnia is a very big problem of the society and majority of people face thi problem. We can feel relief ftom this disease by limiting our daily sleep hours. Although, we feel relax for 1 an hour before sleeping and this will definitely helpful to cure isomnia. Moreover, we can go to doctor and take a proper treatment of this. Hence, isomnia will be cure by taking some good actions.
With the rise in
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
came to know in the world. One of these is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Isomnia
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
masses believe that, it
is cost
by increasing pace of life while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individual’s lifestyle is the main fault. I shall explore the causes of this forthcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, The most pressing concern about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Isomnia
is individual, s lifestyle.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Isomnia
is caused
by person’s Daily diet and its day-to-day activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
suffer more if they don’t have proper diet plan.
Moreover
, second reason for this is poor environment of room
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in which room we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, if it has air-pollution or noise pollution then we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, sleeping room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment fir sleeping.

On the contrary
side, no doubt time is the major reason for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
increasing pace of life is
also
the reason of
Possible spelling mistake found.
isomnia
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
working more and more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in life. Pressure of society or family
also
force person to do more work. These tensions create
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on individuals mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is too difficult to manage your expenditures and fulfill all the requirements of the family.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhat
most of the students suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
isomnia
due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
thd
burden of studies.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Isomnia
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the society and majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
Possible spelling mistake found.
thi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. We can feel relief
Possible spelling mistake found.
ftom
this disease by limiting our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
hours. Although, we feel relax for 1 an hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sleeping and this will definitely helpful to cure
Possible spelling mistake found.
isomnia
.
Moreover
, we can go to doctor and take a proper treatment of this.
Hence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
isomnia
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "cured".
cure
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
actions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Many People suffer from isomnia. What do you think, is it caused by increasing pace of life or the individuals life style is at fault? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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