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some people thinks that development of technology is reducing crime while think that it encourages crime? discuss both the views. give your opinion? v.2

some people thinks that development of technology is reducing crime while think that it encourages crime? give your opinion? v. 2
People hold different views about whether the improvement of technology brings more offence or diminish them. In following paragraphs I will suggest my opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there have been an increasing number of technologies which reduce crime steeply. To illustrate, the body search system may easily detect things such as steel arms and guns inside the baggage. Another useful thing is web cameras, which look after the people subsequently decrease the amount of offence. For instance, in Korea the criminal justice declined to over than 20 percent due to innovative high tech web cameras through which they keep track of people. Because of this improvement, we can declare person's guilty of a crime On the other hand, in today's modernized era, even government's security system techniques like listening apparatus, can be against them. Robbers hack into building's computer software and through them obtain the crucial data. To exemplify, 30 percent of crime happens due to developing technologies. Besides that the bank empty occurs with the help of modern software. To conclude, this is truly that the amount of offence came due to modern technologies, increases the number of opportunities for robbers and others. However, certainly these systems can reduce them steeply. I claim that improving technologies is a crucial part in recent days.
People
hold
different
views about whether the improvement of
technology
brings more
offence
or diminish them. In following paragraphs I will suggest my opinion.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there have been an increasing number of
technologies
which
reduce
crime
steeply
. To illustrate, the body search system may
easily
detect things such as steel arms and guns inside the baggage. Another useful thing is web cameras, which look after the
people
subsequently
decrease the amount of
offence
.
For instance
, in Korea the criminal justice declined to
over
than 20 percent due to innovative high tech web cameras through which they
keep
track
of
people
.
Because of this
improvement, we can declare person's guilty of a
crime


On the other hand
, in
today
's modernized era, even
government
's security system techniques like listening apparatus, can be against them. Robbers hack into building's computer software and through them obtain the crucial data. To exemplify, 30 percent of crime happens due to developing
technologies
.
Besides
that the bank empty occurs with the
help
of modern software.

To conclude
, this is
truly
that the amount of
offence
came due to modern
technologies
, increases the number of opportunities for robbers
and others
.
However
,
certainly
these systems can
reduce
them
steeply
. I claim that improving
technologies
is a crucial part in recent days.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people thinks that development of technology is reducing crime while think that it encourages crime? give your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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