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Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that thay find the most interesting. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.8

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that thay find the most interesting. v. 8
Education has improved by leaps and bounds over the past few decades. While some set of individuals says that adolescents ought to focus on every subject of the school curriculum, others, however, are of the opinion that students, in order to be successful in future, should only concentrate on their favourite subjects or the subjects that get their attention. I will first discuss about both viewpoints and then come to the conclusion. Studying all the subjects in an institute has many benefits, which can help in selecting the major subject when going for higher studies. Teenagers are not mature enough to choose their interest subject from early school life. Moreover, some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy helps at every stage of life, so those subjects are highly required for every student so that they can take along the lessons in their life. Furthermore, recent studies have, for instance, found that students who have studied all the subjects well are far more successful than the ones who did not concentrate on some subjects. Focusing only on one or two particular subjects can be beneficial too for students. Firstly, the main advantage of this is one can have full, undivided attention on the subject, which he wants to further study on. Secondly, an individual has more time to spend on lesser amounts of subjects, which improves the accountability of the person for those particular subjects. In conclusion, both views have their own advantages, I would stick to the former opinion that students need to study all subjects with equal attention as it not only helps in improving knowledge but also opens a wide range of doors for higher studies.
Education has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by leaps and bounds over the past few decades. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of individuals says that adolescents ought to focus on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of the school curriculum, others,
however
, are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in order to be successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their attention. I will
first
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
viewpoints and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion.

Studying all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in an institute has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in selecting the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
when going for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to choose their interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
from early school life.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mathematics and philosophy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
at every stage of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
highly
required for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can take along the lessons in their life.
Furthermore
, recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have,
for instance
, found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have studied all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
well are far more successful than the ones who did not concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subjects.

Focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on one or two particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be beneficial too for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, the main advantage of this is one can have full, undivided attention on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, which he wants to
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
on.
Secondly
, an individual has more time to spend on lesser amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the accountability of the person for those particular subjects.

In conclusion
, both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages, I would stick to the former opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with equal attention as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
opens a wide range of doors for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that thay find the most interesting. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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