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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. v. 2
People hold different views about the necessity of making the journey, some claim traveling is the best way to observe countries local culture. While others suggest it could be done without moving abroad by TV programs and the internet sources. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both sides. On the one hand it is undeniable that in today's modernized era tend to fly easily by plane from one area to another. People buy expensive tickets to see cultural places of the country with own eyes. Besides, this journey conserves important cultural specimens, artifacts and other items to boast about our past and dig deeper into the history. For instance, elder age group people keen to see the world and its past as well as feel countries local atmosphere. That is why for some individuals taking a trip is crucial. On the other hand, it is clear that in recent days with the technology development, people prefer to watch the programs about abroad local government from high tech screens, such as TV and computers. Moreover, they offer others following this innovative way of traveling which can give the same experience as being in certain area. To exemplify, it is proved that from the whole world's population just 2 percent have traveled while others could not allow high cost journeys themselves. To highlight, this is best sample why most of the people suggest instead of wasting money on the expensive entertainment better safe them for vital occasions. To conclude, from the aforementioned points that is true not everybody can permit themselves take a trip abroad. Thus, I opine that watching travel shows almost the same as being in another part of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the necessity of making the journey,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim traveling is the best way to observe countries local culture. While others suggest it could
be done
without moving abroad by TV programs and the internet sources. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both sides.

On the one hand it is undeniable that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modernized era tend to
fly
easily
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
from one area to another.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
cultural places of the country with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes.
Besides
, this journey conserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural specimens, artifacts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
items to boast about our past and dig deeper into the history.
For instance
, elder age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world and its past
as well
as feel countries local atmosphere.
That is
why for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals taking a trip is crucial.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in recent days with the technology development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the programs about abroad local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from high tech screens, such as TV and computers.
Moreover
, they offer others following this innovative way of traveling which can give the same experience as being in certain area. To exemplify, it
is proved
that from the whole world's population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2 percent have traveled while others could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
high cost journeys themselves. To highlight, this is best sample why most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest
instead
of wasting money on the expensive entertainment better safe them for vital occasions.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude, from the aforementioned points
that is
true not everybody can permit themselves take a trip abroad.
Thus
, I opine that watching travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
almost the same as being in another part of the world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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