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Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. v. 1
ANS – IN the past people wore clothes according to their fashion, but nowadays, due to the introduction of modern civilization, people are losing interest in their own perception. Personally, I feel that one should wear clothes which are comfortable, but must not forget their traditional attires and values they bring every occasion is resembled by the clothes we choose to wear. This essay will discuss how it is necessary to adopt new environment while sticking to our roots. Firstly, People from new generation are wearing similar clothes because of globalization. They go to different places like colleges and offices where people from different cultures are working with them. To maintain uniformity, they have to wear clothes similar to everyone. For example, some multinational corporations have a dress code policy which everyone has to follow. This creates unity in the employees. This, also, avoids religion based conflict. Today people wear clothes which are comfortable. Due to their fast moving life, they prefer outfits which are easy to wear. On the other side, some people feel that it is necessary to follow the fashion trend because of the peer pressure. Secondly, just to mould with the environment, one must not forget their roots. They should wear their traditional attires whenever possible. Some people think that wearing clothes related to their culture makes them look old fashioned. Youngster feels that this will affect their public image they will lack behind the attention they seek from their surrounding. Some of them are not even aware of their traditions. In the conclusion, it is true that modernization has affected cultures adversely. This essay discussed that it is necessary to adopt the convention and blend with it. But it is also mandatory to keep up with your long established traditions.
ANS
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
IN the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
according to their fashion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, due to the introduction of modern civilization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing interest in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.
Personally
, I feel that one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
which are comfortable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not forget their traditional attires and values they bring every occasion
is resembled
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
we choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
. This essay will discuss how it is necessary to adopt new environment while sticking to our roots.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from new generation are wearing similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of globalization. They go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places like colleges and offices where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures are working with them. To maintain uniformity, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
similar to everyone.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
multinational corporations have a dress code policy which everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
follow. This creates unity in the employees. This,
also
, avoids religion based conflict.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
which are comfortable. Due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving life, they prefer outfits which are easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
. On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that it is necessary to follow the fashion trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the peer pressure.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
with the environment, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not forget their roots. They should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
their traditional attires whenever possible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
related to their culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them look
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
. Youngster feels that this will affect their public image they will lack behind the attention they seek from their surrounding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are not even aware of their traditions.

In the conclusion, it is true that modernization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
cultures
adversely
. This essay discussed that it is necessary to adopt the convention and blend with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
also
mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with your long established traditions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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