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The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v.1

The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v. 1
The invention of the internet has led to dramatic changes in the way information is shared and distributed. This system has introduced a big problem of cybercrimes as many people are now making online financial transactions. This essay shall explore and discuss some of the measures to combat this problem. First of all, people have started sharing sensitive data on various online platforms for making payments. This lead to online security breaches and hackers misuse this information to steal thousands of dollars in few seconds. Furthermore, there are several incidents have been reported where people gave sensitive personal details such as OTP, and ATM code to the strangers unknowingly and become victims of online thefts. Consequently, this has become a big issue now, and substantial changes should be brought into the system to save our data, and only then we can think of putting a stop on the internet crimes. To begin with, the web applications and websites who provide the facility of online money transfer should be responsible for the data of their customers. To do this, they should install robust anti-hacking software to cease the unauthorised access of the information. Moreover, they should keep a separate department whose job is to do data surveillance, and inform the higher authorities in case of security lapse. Finally, the government should implement strict rules regarding online robberies as this is a novel crime and authorities have not yet set a proper criminal code for the cyber criminals. In conclusion, although the problem of the internet crimes is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the responsibility of both the government and the payment companies. They should work together to solve this issue by considering some of the solutions proposed above.
The invention of the internet has led to dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the way information
is shared
and distributed. This system has introduced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
financial transactions. This essay shall explore and discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
measures to combat this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
sharing sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms for making payments. This lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
security breaches and hackers misuse this information to steal thousands of dollars in few seconds.
Furthermore
, there are several incidents have
been reported
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gave sensitive personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as OTP, and ATM code to the strangers
unknowingly
and become victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
thefts.
Consequently
, this has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and substantial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
should
be brought
into the system to save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of putting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
on the internet crimes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the web applications and websites who provide the facility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
money transfer should be responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of their customers. To do this, they should install robust anti-hacking software to cease the
Possible spelling mistake. 'unauthorised' is British English.
unauthorised
access of the information.
Moreover
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a separate department whose job is to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
surveillance, and inform the higher authorities in case of security lapse.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
robberies as this is a novel crime and authorities have not
yet
set a proper criminal code for the cyber criminals.

In conclusion
, although the problem of the internet crimes is not insurmountable, I believe that it is the responsibility of both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the payment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They should work together to solve this issue by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions proposed above.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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