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Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. 3
Job seeking is always an arduous problem that a fresh graduate has to deal with when they enter the job market for the first time. Some people believe that teenagers should have a full freedom to choose their occupations, whereas others contend that youngsters should think in a more practical way by considering the career prospect of the job. On the one hand, if young people can choose a career of their own free will, they will have more passion and motivation towards the career. They will devote more of themselves into the career, because it is something they love, assuming they choose an occupation that fit their own interest. As a result, this can allow them to perform well in the workplace as their passion would act as a driven force to push them further, thinking about how to excel in their occupation. Moreover, those performing well in the workplace are always regarded as having better interpersonal relationship. It is because they have more confidence to communicate with their colleagues, given that they are doing well in the job. By contrast, if a youngster is forced to choose an occupation he do not like, he will just perform the daily routine of the job without thinking about how to improve his performance. It turns out that he would be frustrated and failed to be a high-flyer in the company. On the other hand, opponents think that fresh graduates should pick their career in a more realistic way of evaluating the career path and the salary that a job can offer them. For instance, a graduate who is good at biology is now having two choices which are becoming a biology teacher or an animal researcher. If he thinks in a practical way, he will choose biology teacher, which can guarantee him a promising career path and a decent salary. Consequently, he will not choose researcher because is it difficult to get a promotion in the research field since there is no clear promotion standard. The example proved that it is always necessary to think realistically when people have to earn a living. In addition, it is normal that people have to earn enough fortune before they pursue their dream. From my point of view, the conclusion is young people should consider more the solid factor before they acquire a job or else they would regret for what they did due to the low salary or poor prospect. Pursuing own interest is normal, but it is necessary to have enough savings first.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
seeking is always an arduous problem that a fresh graduate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with when they enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market for the
first
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should have a full freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
, whereas others contend that youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in a more practical way by considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospect of the job.

On the one hand, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
free will, they will have more passion and motivation towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. They will devote more of themselves into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is something they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, assuming they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
that fit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest.
As a result
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to perform well in the workplace as their passion would act as a driven force to push them
further
, thinking about how to excel in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
.
Moreover
, those performing well in the workplace are always regarded as having better interpersonal relationship. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more confidence to communicate with their colleagues,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they are doing well in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. By contrast, if a youngster
is forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
not like, he will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
perform the daily routine of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without thinking about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his performance. It turns out that he would
be frustrated
and failed to be a high-flyer in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
, opponents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that fresh graduates should pick their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in a more realistic way of evaluating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path and the salary that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can offer them.
For instance
, a graduate who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at biology is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having two choices which are becoming a biology teacher or an animal researcher. If he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
Consider replacing "in a practical way" with the adverb for "practical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a practical way
, he will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
biology teacher, which can guarantee him a promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path and a decent salary.
Consequently
, he will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
researcher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion in the research field since there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
promotion standard. The example proved that it is always necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
realistically
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn a living.
In addition
, it is normal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fortune
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they pursue their dream.

From my point of view, the conclusion is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider more the solid factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they acquire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or else they would regret for what they did due to the low salary or poor prospect. Pursuing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest is normal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is necessary to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings
first
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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