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Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. 1
Every generation of people debate on how one should choose a profession in their adult life. Some think the choice of work should consider the individual's future in that profession, whereas others feel that young adults should be free to choose the job they like. In this essay we will look into both the views and the reason why young generation should be free to choose their jobs. Choosing a job realistically would highly increase one's career growth and future job opportunities. Rapidly expanding organization needs more employees, and as a result, would create more new high paying jobs. For example, During the Information Technology boom in the year 2000, demand for IT professionals grew 15% year on year creating high paying jobs for young graduates and professionals. So realistically choosing a job in developing field or industry would make the climbing the corporate ladder easier for working people. On the other side, selecting a job freely based on the individual’s interest and passion would lead a fulfilling and a satisfying career. Clearly, people would perform the job better with complete dedication and commitment, as it was chosen freely based on their interest. For example, A research shows that the performance of people who had chosen the jobs freely is on an average 15% more than others who did not. Furthermore, they greatly contribute to the success of the projects and maintaining a healthy relationship with other employees. Hence, Everyone, particularly young adults should choose the job freely based on their interest and liking. In Conclusion, People should be able to freely choose the job that they like as this leads to a fulfilling and satisfying career and life. Everyone should be able to choose the job and demand the pay for the job that they do.
Every generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
debate on how one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a profession in their adult life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the choice of work should consider the individual's future in that profession, whereas others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they like. In this essay we will look into both the views and the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation should be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their jobs.

Choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
realistically
would
highly
increase one's career growth and future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities.
Rapidly
expanding organization needs more employees, and
as a result
, would create more new high paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, During the Information Technology boom in the year 2000, demand for IT professionals grew 15%
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
year on year
creating high paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
graduates and professionals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
realistically
choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in developing field or industry would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the climbing the corporate ladder easier for working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
based on the individual’s interest and passion would lead a fulfilling and a satisfying career.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would perform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
better with complete dedication and commitment, as it
was chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
based on their interest.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had chosen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
is on an average 15% more than others who did not.
Furthermore
, they
greatly
contribute to the success of the projects and maintaining a healthy relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees.
Hence
, Everyone,
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
based on their interest and liking.

In Conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they like as this leads to a fulfilling and satisfying career and life. Everyone should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and demand the pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they do.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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