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Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. v. 4
It is true that a good job is everyone’s concern. While many people suppose that seeking a job is free for young people, I would argue that they should think carefully about their decisions. On the one hand, there are two prime reasons why young generation must not be considered in terms of working conditions when deciding their careers. Firstly, contributing to the community is also important towards young people who are the country’s future. Take Ngo Bao Chau who is the Vietnamese youngest professor as an example. During the time studying the Fundamental Lemma, he had to face many difficulties and failed to solve the complex problems many times, they did not choose to give up, and finally, after several years, he was the success in his career path and awarded the Field Medal. Secondly, job satisfaction is extremely important when people choose their jobs. If a person adores an outdoor life, he will not be happy being a stockbroker or financier, no matter that the salaries for both jobs are significant high. On the other hand, I believe that occupation plays a crucial part in their lives, so they should seek a practical job. One reason is that a wage is an important role in guaranteeing an acceptable standard of living. Being offered a high salary allows for employees to make ends meet, buy a comfortable house and perhaps even go luxury holidays. In addition, a person who is financial independence means he/ she are mature enough to live independently on their own income. To be specific, when they have their desire about their works, they are likely to progress rapidly in their career as the higher salaries or positions. In conclusion, although youngsters should be free when choosing their future professions, it seems to me that it is better when they have a clear plan in terms of career path.
It is true that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is everyone’s concern. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that seeking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is free for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I would argue that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about their decisions.

On the one hand, there are two prime reasons why young generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be considered
in terms of working conditions when deciding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
Firstly
, contributing to the community is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
towards young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are the country’s future. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chau
who is the Vietnamese youngest professor as an example. During the time studying the Fundamental Lemma, he had to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties and failed to solve the complex problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times, they did not choose to give up, and
finally
, after several years, he was the success in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path and awarded the Field Medal.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. If a person adores an outdoor life, he will not be happy being a stockbroker or financier, no matter that the salaries for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are significant high.

On the other hand
, I believe that occupation plays a crucial part in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should seek a practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. One reason is that a wage is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in guaranteeing an acceptable standard of living.
Being offered
a high salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a comfortable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and perhaps even go luxury holidays.
In addition
, a person who is financial independence means he/ she are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. To be specific, when they have their desire about their works, they are likely to progress
rapidly
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as the higher salaries or positions.

In conclusion
, although youngsters should be free when choosing their future professions, it seems to me that it is better when they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
plan in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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