Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. v. 3
It is true that history should be played an essential part in school. While many people suppose that this may suit for educational system recently, I would argue that practical subjects which can apply on a daily basis are much more necessary than others. On the one hand, there are two prime reasons why all students should be exposed to history at school. Firstly, they can know their roots and how modern civilisation has come to surely make them much more appreciative of our predecessors. For instance, thanks to history, I broaden my horizon that Vietnam’s liberation in 1975 could be considered one of the biggest milestones in the history of Vietnam, making our country free from colonisation. Secondly, historical events are the meaningful lessons which enable them to learn from past mistake and ensure it never happens again. To be specific, history lessons help them understand change including successes and failures, and how others are affected by it. Thus, they would avoid the similar outcomes in the future. On the other hand, I believe that children should learn other subjects relating to children’s lives. One reason is that the way history is taught in most schools is rather tedious, so it would waste a lot of time for useful subjects like English or math. Children would be much more confident when they mastered in foreign language compared to historical events, as it is a better way to catch up with the global knowledge-based economy. In addition, informatics could help students nurturing and developing vital soft skills through leading-edge technologies. Thus, they might gain countless opportunities to seek a good job, because ‘Information Technology’ is one of the most popular jobs with not only high salary but also the dynamic working environment. In conclusion, although it has benefits for children to study history, it seems to me that actual subjects are the perfect alternative to in class history lessons.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
be played
an essential part in school. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that this may suit for educational system recently, I would argue that practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which can apply on a daily basis are much more necessary than others.

On the one hand, there are two prime reasons why all students should
be exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
at school.
Firstly
, they can know their roots and how modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them much more appreciative of our predecessors.
For instance
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, I broaden my horizon that Vietnam’s liberation in 1975 could
be considered
one of the biggest milestones in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of Vietnam, making our country free from
Possible spelling mistake. 'colonisation' is British English.
colonisation
.
Secondly
, historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are the meaningful lessons which enable them to learn from past mistake and ensure it never happens again. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
including successes and failures, and how others are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it.
Thus
, they would avoid the similar outcomes in the future.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One reason is that the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is taught
in most schools is
rather
tedious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like English or math.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
would be much more confident when they mastered in foreign language compared to historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, as it is a better way to catch up with the global knowledge-based economy.
In addition
, informatics could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students nurturing and developing vital soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through leading-edge technologies.
Thus
, they might gain countless opportunities to seek a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
‘Information Technology’ is one of the most popular jobs with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the dynamic working environment.

In conclusion
, although it has benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, it seems to me that actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are the perfect alternative to in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s lives today. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts