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Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v.4

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v. 4
It is true that people work at home with the modern technologies being much more convenient compared to going to the companies. While I accept that this may suit for managers, I disagree that working at home is better for employees. On the one hand, there a variety of reasons why employers gain some benefits when their staffs working from their houses. One reason is that directors can narrow the generation gap between family members. As they can control their employees everywhere by technology devices, so they may be combined their work with their family life like travel or family affairs, which is a major advantage if they are parents of young children or they have old people to look after. In addition, employers can save a great deal of money, particularly in the big cities to rent a place where workers can work, invest facilities and pay for associated services. Thus, office workers take place their tasks from home is the best way in terms of managers in comparison with going to the companies every day. On the other hand, there are many different drawbacks for workers who work at home without going to the offices. Firstly, they will have a hard time nurturing essential skills. To be specific, if they work in a corporation, they will have a good opportunity to work with lots of colleagues from different backgrounds, which enables them to gain directly the relevant experience; while if they work at home, they will not know how to build strong relationship with other employees and how to manage conflicts. Secondly, they cannot approach to the professional environment as the corporate culture which includes physical appearance, working style and team building activities. In conclusion, it is certain that working at home through the leading edge technologies brings many advantages for employers, but this is by no means it is suitable for employees.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home with the modern technologies being much more convenient compared to going to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. While I accept that this may suit for managers, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is better for employees.

On the one hand, there a variety of reasons why employers gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits when their staffs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. One reason is that directors can narrow the generation gap between family members. As they can control their employees everywhere by technology devices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may
be combined
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with their family life like travel or family affairs, which is a major advantage if they are parents of young
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children or
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to look after.
In addition
, employers can save a great deal of money,
particularly
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities to rent a place where workers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, invest facilities and pay for associated services.
Thus
, office workers take place their tasks from home is the best way in terms of managers
in comparison
with going to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
every day.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
drawbacks for workers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home without going to the offices.
Firstly
, they will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time nurturing essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To be specific, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a corporation, they will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with lots of colleagues from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds, which enables them to gain
directly
the relevant experience; while if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home, they will not know how to build strong relationship with other employees and how to manage conflicts.
Secondly
, they cannot approach to the professional environment as the corporate culture which includes physical appearance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style and team building activities.

In conclusion
, it is certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home through the leading edge technologies brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for employers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means it is suitable for employees.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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