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Some people prefer working for a very large company that has several hundred employees. Others prefer working for a small company where they know all of their co-workers. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some people prefer working for a very large company that has several hundred employees. Others prefer working for a small company where they know all of their co-workers. Which do you prefer? v. 1
With changing times and attitudes, women have stepped out of their homes and become an integral part in serving their nations, which has, in turn, immensely benefitted society. While it might not initially seem feasible for women to play a crucial role in their country's defence forces, there is a plethora of reasons which makes it a viable option. The equal participation of both the genders in the forces might not bear fruitful results. This is because extreme training may be essential for these jobs, such as for police officers or army officers, which might not be possible for all the women in the long run, as they are physically weaker than men. As a result, the strength of the forces could be negatively affected and countries could lose to their opponents in warlike situations. Eventually, this could lead to a loss in morale and confidence of people in their defence forces which may not benefit the nation. Thus, it may seem unreasonable to have the same number of female and male employees in the forces. However, this practice presents a vast array of benefits. Most importantly, women have time and again proven that they are as intelligent and strong as their male counterparts, so there is a need to give them equal opportunity in the armed forces too. In addition, they are considered far more reliable than men, and reliability is a requisite trait for such jobs, so if given an opportunity, they will prove their mettle by dedicated and consistent efforts. Moreover, it will be suitable to have female employees to deal with female criminals, as there are lots of instances reported globally wherein female prisoners were abused by male prison wardens. Hence, an equal number of male and female workers will lead to a better society. In conclusion, it is evident that while this practice may have a few challenges, it is immensely beneficial for society to have an equal number of men and women in the defence forces. If countries really wish to flourish in the future, they should not hesitate to make women an integral part of their law and order and, security forces.
With changing times and attitudes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have stepped out of their homes and become an integral part in serving their nations, which has, in turn,
immensely
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
society. While it might not
initially
seem feasible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to play a crucial role in their country's
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, there is a plethora of reasons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a viable option.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
participation of both the genders in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
might not bear fruitful results. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
extreme training may be essential for these jobs, such as for police officers or army officers, which might not be possible for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the long run, as they are
physically
weaker than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
As a result
, the strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
could be
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and countries could lose to their opponents in warlike situations.
Eventually
, this could lead to a loss in morale and confidence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
which may not benefit the nation.
Thus
, it may seem unreasonable to have the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male employees in the forces.

However
, this practice presents a vast array of benefits. Most
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have time and again proven that they are as intelligent and strong as their male counterparts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is a need to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunity in the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
too.
In addition
, they
are considered
far more reliable than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and reliability is a requisite trait for such jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity, they will prove their mettle by dedicated and consistent efforts.
Moreover
, it will be suitable to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
employees to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
criminals, as there are lots of instances reported globally wherein
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
prisoners
were abused
by male prison wardens.
Hence
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
workers will lead to a better society.

In conclusion
, it is evident that while this practice may have a few challenges, it is
immensely
beneficial for society to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. If countries
really
wish to flourish in the future, they should not hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
an integral part of their law and order and, security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer working for a very large company that has several hundred employees. Others prefer working for a small company where they know all of their co-workers. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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