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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.11

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 11
The working class is finding it hard to allocate time for physical activities like hitting the gym or going for run. This has had an adverse impact on their health and they face several issues. This essay will discuss the main reasons why they are not exercising enough including time constraints and the need to fulfil needs of their dependents. The essay will also suggest solutions to this problem like lifestyle changes where you can walk shorter distances to work rather than taking a car and make a focus group of people with similar problems. One of the first problems is that the working environment has become so competitive and raising costs of living is forcing people to spend longer hours at work. Another problem to consider is that at times, they are forced to undertake more than one job to make ends meet. For example, a number of government school teachers who are generally not paid well give private tuitions in the evenings. Therefore, they are left with no time and energy to go out for exercise. If we are finding it hard to find separate time, a possible solution to it is that we undertake some lifestyle changes. For instance, if our workplace is not too far away, we can walk to work or go on a bicycle rather than the car. Also, in the spare time instead of using the social media, we can try doing some stretching. Another possible solution is that we team up with a group of friends and make a weekend regime where we all gather and do some exercises. Hence, doing it in a group will give us motivation and consistence. In conclusion, it is hard to find time out of the busy routine to exercise but small changes in our routine and finding a few partners can help. This essay discussed how work pressure is keeping us busy, but it also suggested how with a little effort we can improve our health.
The working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is finding it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities like hitting the gym or going for run. This has had an adverse impact on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they face several issues. This essay will discuss the main reasons why they are not exercising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constraints and the need to fulfil needs of their dependents. The essay will
also
suggest solutions to this problem like lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
where you can walk shorter distances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than taking a car and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a focus group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with similar problems.

One of the
first
problems is that the working environment has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
competitive and raising costs of living is forcing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend longer hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Another problem to consider is that at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, they
are forced
to undertake more than one job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For example
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
school teachers who are
generally
not paid well give private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
in the evenings.
Therefore
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to go out for exercise.

If we are finding it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, a possible solution to it is that we undertake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For instance
, if our workplace is not too far away, we can walk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or go on a bicycle
rather
than the car.
Also
, in the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of using the social media, we can try doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stretching. Another possible solution is that we team up with a group of friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a weekend regime where we all gather and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises.
Hence
, doing it in a group will give us motivation and consistence.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of the busy routine to exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our routine and finding a few partners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This essay discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure is keeping us busy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
suggested how with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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