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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. v. 2
Whether women should be allowed to serve in the military has triggered spirited debate. Some assert that women should be allowed to defend their country in the same capacity as their male peers. Personally, I agree with their assertion for two reasons. History has shown that women are fully capable of performing well in the military. Historically, there were a host of valiant women soldiers whose achievements really put their male counterparts to shame. One need only look at the classic examples of Joan of Arc and Mulan to see how exceptionally women could perform on the battlefield. In my observation, their determination, courage and dignity, to this day, are still being admired by male soldiers and civilians alike throughout the world. Moreover, from an enlightened standpoint, female patriots should be granted the right to go to the front line when their motherland is involved in a war. Admittedly, gender inequality was a highly controversial issue in the twentieth century. However, now twelve years into the new millennium, women can learn and teach, work and supervise, vote and voted in most countries just like men. In light of this sweeping progress in gender equality, there is no sense in denying them the right to defend their home country when a war breaks out. In sum, keeping military services out of bounds of women in the information age is unwarranted. I have been convinced that it is in the best interest of a nation if women are also granted equal rights in this particular arena.
Whether
women
should be
allowed
to serve in the military has triggered spirited debate.
Some
assert that
women
should be
allowed
to defend their country in the same capacity as their male peers.
Personally
, I
agree
with their assertion for two reasons.

History has shown that
women
are
fully
capable of performing well in the military.
Historically
, there were a host of valiant
women
soldiers whose achievements
really
put their male counterparts to shame. One need
only
look at the classic examples of Joan of Arc and Mulan to
see
how
exceptionally
women
could perform on the battlefield. In my observation, their determination, courage and dignity, to this day, are
still
being admired
by male soldiers and civilians alike throughout the world.

Moreover
, from an enlightened standpoint, female patriots should
be granted
the right to go to the front line when their motherland
is involved
in a war.
Admittedly
, gender inequality was a
highly
controversial issue in the twentieth century.
However
,
now
twelve years into the new millennium,
women
can learn and teach, work and supervise, vote and voted in most countries
just
like
men
. In light of this sweeping progress in gender equality, there is no sense in denying them the right to defend their home country when a war breaks out.

In sum, keeping military services out of bounds of
women
in the information age
is unwarranted
. I have
been convinced
that it is in the best interest of a nation if
women
are
also
granted equal rights in this particular arena.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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