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in some countries, number of people who visit the art gallerias are declining. what are the reasons for that? how can we solve this problem? v.2

in some countries, number of people who visit the art gallerias are declining. what are the reasons for that? how can we solve this problem? v. 2
Now a day, it is seen that the number of individuals who are seeing the art galleries are decreasing. It has the number of causes and its solutions that I will explain this in the successive paragraphs. To begin with reasons, the main reason which distracts people for visiting the art galleries is the advancement in the technology. Folks think that it is the waste of time to go there. With the use of the internet at the mobiles, computers and iPods et cetera. It is not difficult to know about the paintings, sculptures and realism et cetera. With the help of technology, it can find out about any art, which made it and how it made and what was the importance of this art with comfortably sitting on the sofa in the home. In addition to, there are different sorts of shows are telecasted on the television regarding the art that's also given the enough information about it without going there. Therefore, people do not prefer to go in the art exhibition. Moreover, there was the limited stock of things. Everyone who visits there one time. Next time, they did not want to go there. Because there were no different creativity things that will enhance the knowledge and more inspire to the others. Thus, there will be the declining of people to visit the art gallery. Further move, with its remedies, government should encourage the people and more aware about the art galleries. The ticket price should be reduced. The number of different offers should start to increase the demand to see such as individual offers, family offers and group offers and so on. So that, more and more persons will go there and take the enjoyment. It will also relieve from stress and give more knowledge about the creativity. Also, it will inspire the members and increase the mindfulness. Furthermore, educational institutes ought to plan to visit there with their juveniles. So, children will get knowledge about the different types of arts and its importance. This will elevate their mind level and learn the lot of things regarding their life. Further next, limited stock should be changed with the time and there should be organizing the art competitions that will surge the interest of the artist, sightseers and participants et cetera. Through this, everyone will be starting loving to the art galleries To conclude, the interest of people in the art shows is minimizing day by day. But it can rise with the help of the numbers of the solutions that will encourage and aware the people regarding the popularity of the art exhibition.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals who are seeing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries are decreasing. It has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of causes and its solutions that I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this in the successive paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with reasons, the main reason which distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries is the advancement in the technology. Folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go there. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet at the mobiles, computers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
iPods et
cetera. It is not difficult to know about the paintings, sculptures and realism
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology, it can find out about any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which made it and how it made and what was the importance of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
with
comfortably
sitting on the sofa in the home.
In addition
to, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
sorts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on the television regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
that's
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about it without going there.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not prefer to go in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition.
Moreover
, there was the limited stock of things. Everyone who visits there one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they did not want to go there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
creativity things that will enhance the knowledge and more inspire to the others.
Thus
, there will be the declining of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, with its remedies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and more aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries. The ticket price should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to increase the demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such as individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
, family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
and group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, more and more persons will go there and take the enjoyment. It will
also
relieve from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and give more knowledge about the creativity.
Also
, it will inspire the members and increase the mindfulness.
Furthermore
, educational institutes ought to plan to visit there with their juveniles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, children will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and its importance. This will elevate their mind level and learn the lot of things regarding their life.
Further
next
, limited stock should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and there should be organizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
competitions that will surge the interest of the artist, sightseers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
participants et
cetera. Through this, everyone will be starting loving to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries

To conclude
, the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
is minimizing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it can rise with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of the solutions that will encourage and aware the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay in some countries, number of people who visit the art gallerias are declining. what are the reasons for that? how can we solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
436 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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