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Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. v. 1
Nowadays society is striving to make the rights of men and women equal in all spheres of our lives. One of the most remarkable examples of this can be found in parenthood. Women are choosing to pursue their careers and expand their roles and responsibilities in their positions, which for ages were dominated by men. Males are diving deeper into the role of fatherhood and expanding their responsibilities in the upbringing of their children. From my point of view, a better work-family balance between both parents is important due to a child’s mental health and fulfilling the interests and life goals of both partners. The mental health of a baby is a vital need for him/her and the parents. Despite the sex of a baby, each child needs love, affection, care and support from both parents. In many cases, a common myth which states a girl needs her mother more and a boy needs his father more than his mother is faulty. If a girl, for example, falls in love, she needs knowledge of male psychology and it would be better to get advice from her father. To be able to give such advice, the bond between a parent and a child should be strong enough and developed throughout their entire life. Therefore, equal involvement in raising children is essential to guarantee the balanced growth of a child as a person. On the other side, an unhappy parent could hardly be a good one. Each partner has their own needs and goals in life. Men and women would seldom be satisfied with spending their whole day with a child sacrificing their own careers. For instance, most people develop their careers into their early thirties and would not like to lose this period and opportunity solely on raising a child. On the contrary, the birth of a child into the mid to late thirties is not all that safe for women's health. Shared parenthood is a good option not to lose options in your life during changing the nappies. To sum up, the role of a father in modern society is just as important as a mother’s. Taking part in solving everyday problems in raising children, especially connected to psychology and feeling happy with your own life at the same time is valuable for both father and mother.
Nowadays society is striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the rights of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women equal in all spheres of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One of the most remarkable examples of this can
be found
in parenthood. Women are choosing to pursue their careers and expand their roles and responsibilities in their positions, which for ages
were dominated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Males are diving deeper into the role of fatherhood and expanding their responsibilities in the upbringing of their children. From my point of view, a better work-family balance between both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
mental health and fulfilling the interests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals of both partners.

The mental health of a baby is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for him/her and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Despite the sex of a baby, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection, care and support from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, a common myth which states a girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
more and a boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
more than his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
is faulty. If a girl,
for example
, falls in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
knowledge of male psychology and it would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. To be able to give such advice, the bond between a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should be strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and developed throughout their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, equal involvement in raising children is essential to guarantee the balanced growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as a person.

On the other side, an unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
could hardly be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one. Each partner has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and women would seldom
be satisfied
with spending their whole day with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
sacrificing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers.
For instance
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
develop their careers into their early thirties and would not like to lose this period and opportunity
solely
on raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
On the contrary
, the birth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into the mid to late thirties is not all that safe for women's health. Shared parenthood is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option not to lose options in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
during changing the nappies.

To sum up, the role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
in modern society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother’s
. Taking part in solving everyday problems in raising children,
especially
connected to psychology and feeling happy with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at the same time is valuable for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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