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Some people believe that government wastes too much money on space exploration and research while there are still many problems on earth. To what extent do yo agree or disagree with the view. v.2

Some people believe that government wastes too much money on space exploration and research while there are still many problems on earth. v. 2
The argument whether government waste too much on space exploration and research is not settle. With many people claiming that money spent on space and research is better for humans. In my opinion this notion merit serious consideration and I will explain why with pertinent argument ant examples. Ultimately, I think government are wasting too much money on space exploration and research. There are myriad of argument in favor of my stance. The most conspicuous one is the advantages associated with spending less on space exploration and research. Firstly, the rate of poverty all over the world has increase significantly to eighty percent around the world. Investing more on company development will open way for employment and reduce the level of poverty. Although, exploring space will also pave way for more jobs and advance technology. Another, pivotal aspect of my argument is high percentage of illiterate around the world. According to a survey conducted, it shows that 83. 6% of people around the world are illiterate and as a result there is increase in the rate of crime because no company will want unskilled workers. Government can invest more on education and make it affordable for all. For instance underpinning the aforementioned, an empirical is that in Albania the level of illiterate is 97% with only 3% of people educated. So why should government spend more on space exploration and research when so many people cannot afford three square meal? Why should government waste money on space and research when there are lots of bad roads, criminals, poverty and homeless people? On the other hand the advantages of spending more on earth are too great to be ignored. Nevertheless, the importance of exploring space should not be overlooked as well.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
waste too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is not settle. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claiming that money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is better for humans. In my opinion this notion merit serious consideration and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why with pertinent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
ant examples.
Ultimately
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are wasting too much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and research.

There are myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
in favor of my stance. The most conspicuous one is the advantages associated with spending less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Firstly
, the rate of poverty all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has increase
significantly
to eighty percent around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Investing more on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
development will open way for employment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of poverty. Although, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will
also
pave way for more jobs and advance technology.

Another, pivotal aspect of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is high percentage of illiterate around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. According to a survey conducted, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 83. 6% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are illiterate and
as a result
there is increase in the rate of crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will want unskilled workers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can invest more on education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it affordable for all.

For instance
underpinning the aforementioned,
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an empirical
is that in Albania the level of illiterate is 97% with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
educated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford three square meal? Why should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
waste money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
when there are lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
roads, criminals, poverty and homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
?

On the other hand
the advantages of spending more on earth are too great to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Nevertheless
, the importance of exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
should not
be overlooked
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that government wastes too much money on space exploration and research while there are still many problems on earth. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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