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Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. v. 2
Today, there is a debate on whether, for young people, travelling abroad is worthy or not. In my opinion, I would argue that an overseas trip is a very great life experience for the young generation. Some people think that traveling abroad costs students a great deal of money and time. First of all, traveling abroad is indeed quite expensive. For most families in China, it would need an overall consideration. Also, it is time-consuming for an overseas travel. For example, considering the time of flight and sightseeing, it will take at least two weeks to go for a short trip to Britain, which is almost impossible for young people who have been employed. However, in many aspects, it is also beneficial for young people to travel abroad. Firstly, it would broaden their mind. Young people can see a world different from their motherland, which helps them to think the world in various ways. Secondly, when they go abroad, they would be able to experience a different culture. It helps them to break stereotypes about foreign countries, which, at the same time, enables them to think independently. Finally, overseas trip would improve their communication and language skills. For example, if they travel to Britain, talking with local people will definitely benefit their oral speaking ability in English. In conclusion, while traveling abroad may be hard to realize for young people because of lacking time and money, I believe that if they can overcome the practical difficulties and trip abroad, it will be very meaningful for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there is a debate on whether, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is worthy or not. In my opinion, I would argue that an overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great life experience for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
costs students a great deal of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is
indeed
quite expensive. For most families in China, it would need an
overall
consideration.
Also
, it is time-consuming for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "overseas travel".
an overseas travel
.
For example
, considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of flight and sightseeing, it will take at least two weeks to go for a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to Britain, which is almost impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
been employed
.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, it is
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
Firstly
, it would broaden their mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their motherland, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the world in various ways.
Secondly
, when they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they would be able to experience a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to break stereotypes about foreign countries, which, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
.
Finally
, overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication and language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, if they travel to Britain, talking with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will definitely benefit their oral speaking ability in English.

In conclusion
, while traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to realize for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money, I believe that if they can overcome the practical difficulties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
meaningful for them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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