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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v.17

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 17
Social networking platforms, for example Facebook, are believed by many to have exploited the individuals as well as society and local communities. In my view, I agree that they have had a disadvantageous impact on people. In contrast to individuals, they have earned many benefits through social media. For instance, people from around the world have achieved a connection with others through social networking sites, namely 'Facebook' whereas it would not have been possible to construct relations with someone else before the advancement of technology and social networking. While people rarely met each other in the past, but presently, it is more evident that they meet up regularly online. Moreover, Facebook offers creating of groups through which people and individuals can initiate a discussion or share their views with different people who share common interests. In case of societies and local communities, Facebook has had a negative impact on their lives. They now prefer to take part in activities online rather than physical activities. In addition, people within local communities are no longer close to each other as they were then. A decline in formation of supportive relationships has been observed. Furthermore, it is being noticed that people dedicate most of their time remaining online instead of working physically, for example, playing a sport rather video games in teenagers. Also, the society has become hugely dependent on online shopping for products they wish to purchase. It has resulted in significant loss of local vendors, supermarket clerks, etc. In conclusion, although social media has a number of advantages, it even has some disadvantages. Individuals and societies have not had the same effect on both of them. Moreover, more efforts should be put towards encouraging local people in physical activities in order to promote the maintenance of health and the future of community life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking platforms,
for example
Facebook,
are believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to have exploited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they have had a disadvantageous impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, they have earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world have achieved a connection with others through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites,
namely
'Facebook' whereas it would not have been possible to construct relations with someone else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advancement of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely met each other in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
presently
, it is more evident that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up
regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Moreover
, Facebook offers creating of groups through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can initiate a discussion or share their views with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share common interests.

In case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
, Facebook has had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
than physical activities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
are no longer close to each other as they were then. A decline in formation of supportive relationships has
been observed
.
Furthermore
, it is
being noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dedicate most of their time remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
of working
physically
,
for example
, playing a sport
rather
video games in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has become
hugely
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping for products they wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. It has resulted in significant loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors, supermarket clerks, etc.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has a number of advantages, it even has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
have not had the same effect on both of them.
Moreover
, more efforts should
be put
towards encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in physical activities in order to promote the maintenance of health and the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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