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Some people think the teacher has greater influence than parents in the development of child 's intelligence and social skills. v.1

Some people think the teacher has greater influence than parents in the development of child 's intelligence and social skills. v. 1
There is too much debate about whether teachers or parents influence child development socially and mentally. While I agree with the idea that teachers play an indispensable role in child development, I believe that parents have a greater impact on children growing up too. On one hand, teachers are the backbone of the education system. By this I mean that, in most countries children begin to attend school from 5 years old and from this point they emerge from the small family and join the whole society and being part of it, with the presence of professional teacher this could be a huge development in term of social skills such as teamwork and sharing activities. Moreover, through different classes in mathematics and science, for instance, children can learn how to solve a complex problem in a short time and this is the most important thing for brain development and intelligence.   For illustration, it has been calculated that nearly 30% of the whole brain development takes place at this stage of our life. On the other hand, parents and particularly mothers, as the child stays most of their time with them, play an important constituent in the growth of the child mentality. As a matter of fact, the preschool stage is a crucial stage and children obtain and store vast amounts of information. Hence, in this period children create their own environment and personality. For instance, children copy their parents in their language and how they interact with each other. Moreover, families can boost their children inelegant and cognitive skills through video games, play, interactive discussion, advice etc. As a result, the crucial role of family is not forgettable. To conclude, as we have seen. There is no easy
There is too much debate about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
socially
and mentally. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an indispensable role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a greater impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
growing up too.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the backbone of the education system. By this I mean that, in most countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to attend school from 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and from this point they emerge from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the whole society and being part of it, with the presence of professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
this could be a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in term of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork and sharing activities.
Moreover
, through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
classes in mathematics and science,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how to solve a complex problem in a short time and this is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and intelligence.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For illustration, it has
been calculated
that
nearly
30% of the whole brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
takes place at this stage of our life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
particularly
mothers, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
stays most of their time with them, play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
constituent in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
mentality. As a matter of fact, the preschool stage is a crucial stage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obtain and store vast amounts of information.
Hence
, in this period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
environment and personality.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
copy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their language and how they interact with each other.
Moreover
, families can boost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
inelegant and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through video games, play, interactive discussion, advice etc.
As a result
, the crucial role of family is not forgettable.

To conclude
, as we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. There is no
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
easy
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the teacher has greater influence than parents in the development of child 's intelligence and social skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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