Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that People give more emphasize on outlook and spend more time on that than the past. What is your opinion on that? How has this trend changed over the decade? v.1

Some people say that People give more emphasize on outlook and spend more time on that than the past. What is your opinion on that? How has this trend changed over the decade? v. 1
At the present time, people are concerned about their appearance more than in the past. Throughout history, beauty valued very high. It is believed that human beings nowadays spending more time on their outward than their ancestors did. This will be shown by taking into account comparing past and present usage of cosmetics and plastic operation in our daily life. Firstly, usage of cosmetics was popular since the dawn of time and today's life it isn't an exception. For example, in the past people also applied a lot of cosmetics on their face to look more beautiful, despite that some of them were harmful or even dangerous for life. Nowadays we can see a similar situation, people using cosmetics in spite of that they don't really know what it contains. But in today's world, we have surgery, which can help us to dispose of from our outward shortcomings. As my example shows, there weren't any specific changes in usage but currently, we have more ways to make better our outward appearance. In addition to this, medicine also helps us to hide our shortcomings and one of them plastic surgery operation. Changing of God-given body can be really harmful to your health and even kill you because it has some defects which cause incurable diseases like cancer and papilotomia. Therefore, doctors don't recommend you change your body or face. It's obvious from my example that people ready to all kind of pain and harm only for looking good. Following the analysing at how people used cosmetics in the past and how they use it now, in my view, there was only little change. It has been proven that people ready to all risks just for the beautiful face.
At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about their appearance more than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Throughout history, beauty valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. It
is believed
that human beings nowadays spending more time on their outward than their ancestors did. This will
be shown
by taking into account comparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and present usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
and plastic operation in our daily life.

Firstly
, usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
was popular since the dawn of time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life it isn't an exception.
For example
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
applied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
on their face to look more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, despite that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them were harmful or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for life. Nowadays we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a similar situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
that they don't
really
know what it contains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, we have surgery, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to dispose of from our outward shortcomings. As my example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, there weren't any specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in usage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
currently
, we have more ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better our outward appearance.

In addition
to this, medicine
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
our shortcomings and one of them plastic surgery operation. Changing of God-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
body can be
really
harmful to your health and even kill you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
defects which cause incurable diseases like cancer and
Possible spelling mistake found.
papilotomia
.
Therefore
, doctors don't recommend you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your body or face. It's obvious from my example that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ready to all kind of pain and harm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Following the
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, in my view, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. It has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ready to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
face.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that People give more emphasize on outlook and spend more time on that than the past. What is your opinion on that? How has this trend changed over the decade? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts