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Some people believe that the family has a greater influence on the child's development. Others believe that other influences have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that the family has a greater influence on the child's development. Others believe that other influences have a greater influence. v. 2
Although it is sometimes accepted family plays a significant role in a child' s development, there are some who throw a balance in favor of other factors such as television, music, and friends. However, I believe that the progress of a child is an interplay of both family and external factors. On the one hand, people claim that children can learn moral values under the eye of their parents. As a result, they can become responsible citizens in the future. For instance, younger minds need proper guidance to survive in society. Hence, only parents can teach them as they are emotionally attached to their wards. Additionally, parents are well aware of the needs and capabilities of their blood and can teach their children in a simple way. Moreover, children need individuals attention to learn better which is possible only when one has the blessing of having parents. On the other hand, many factors such as television, music, and friends are thought to make an individual confident and learn more skills such as confrontation and co-ordination. In other words, a child can learn how to be independent. To illustrate, students in schools, who have a positive friend circle, are better in decision making. Furthermore, many movies are proven effective in making children aware of history and the culture of various countries. So, they widen the horizons of minds. Not only movies but the music in them also work wonders in helping the young minds to learn about the customs and the traditions of their nations. Punjabi songs, for instance, showing many areas of Punjab can persuade many to learn more about it. In conclusion, considering both the viewpoints, I am convinced that all the above-mentioned factors are crucial in developing a child' s mind in the right direction. However, parents need to supervise their wards whenever they are in the company of their friends. Giving equal importance to every factor is key to the holistic development of a child, I believe.
Although it is
sometimes
accepted
family plays a significant role in a
child&
#039; s development, there are
some
who throw a balance in favor of other
factors
such as television, music, and
friends
.
However
, I believe that the progress of a
child
is an interplay of both family and external factors.

On the one hand,
people
claim that
children
can
learn
moral values under the eye of their
parents
.
As a result
, they can become responsible citizens in the future.
For instance
, younger
minds
need
proper guidance to survive in society.
Hence
,
only
parents
can teach them as they are
emotionally
attached to their wards.
Additionally
,
parents
are well aware of the
needs
and capabilities of their blood and can teach their
children
in a simple way
.

Moreover
,
children
need
individuals attention to
learn
better which is possible
only
when one has the blessing of having parents.

On the other hand
,
many
factors
such as television, music, and
friends
are
thought
to
make
an individual confident and
learn
more
skills
such as confrontation and co-ordination.
In other words
, a
child
can
learn
how to be independent. To illustrate, students in schools, who have a
positive
friend
circle, are better in
decision making
.
Furthermore
,
many
movies
are proven
effective in making
children
aware of history and the culture of various countries.
So
, they widen the horizons of
minds
. Not
only
movies
but
the music in them
also
work wonders in helping the young
minds
to
learn
about the customs and the traditions of their nations. Punjabi songs,
for instance
, showing
many
areas of Punjab can persuade
many
to
learn
more about it.

In conclusion
, considering both the viewpoints, I
am convinced
that all the above-mentioned
factors
are crucial in developing a
child&
#039; s
mind
in the right direction.
However
,
parents
need
to supervise their wards whenever they are in the
company
of their
friends
. Giving equal importance to every
factor
is key to the holistic development of a
child
, I believe.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the family has a greater influence on the child's development. Others believe that other influences have a greater influence. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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