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Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. v. 2
There is a difference in people' s opinion regarding who has the best influence on the academic performance of children. On the one hand, some believe that the effect parents have on their children is more, on the other hand, others think the teachers impact more. While it is easier for folks to impact on their child' s education because they understand them better, I believe that tutors communicate better with the children because of the quality of time they spend with them. Some people believe that the contribution of parents to the academics of their offsprings yields better result because they understand them and know how best to transfer ideas to them. Having nurtured them from cradle, it is easier for parents to instruct these little ones as well as motivate them in their academic pursuit. For example, my niece, who is always the best in her class, attributes her success to the instructions and motivation she receives from her father. This, she claims, spurrs her to always improve in her studies. However, this essays disagrees with this assertion as there are more significant factors that contributes to a child' s academic excellence. In contrast, because students spend most of their active hours with their instructors, it is easier to transfer knowledge which invariably will lead to improved academic results by these youngsters and I completely agree with this view. This improved result is as a result of their mental alertness at those hours of the day they spend with their educators. For example, my young son in Kindergarten, is able to recite his alphabets when he is in his class but struggles to perform same task at home. This, I believe, is because the time he spends at school is his most active hours wherein his cognitive ability is at its best. To sum up, while people may vary largely in their opinion. I hold the view that teachers plays a better role in a student' s academics.
There is a difference in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s opinion regarding who has the best influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance of children. On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the effect parents have on their children is more,
on the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the teachers impact more. While it is easier for folks to impact on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that tutors communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the quality of time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the contribution of parents to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
yields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand them and know how best to transfer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to them. Having nurtured them from cradle, it is easier for parents to instruct these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones
as well
as motivate them in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
pursuit.
For example
, my niece, who is always the best in her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, attributes her success to the instructions and motivation she receives from her father. This, she claims,
Possible spelling mistake found.
spurrs
her to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in her studies.
However
, this essays disagrees with this assertion as there are more significant factors that contributes to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
excellence.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their active hours with their instructors, it is easier to transfer knowledge which
invariably
will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
by these youngsters and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
is as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of their mental alertness at those hours of the day they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their educators.

For example
, my young son in Kindergarten, is able to recite his alphabets when he is in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
struggles to perform same task at home. This, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the time he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
at school is his most active hours wherein his cognitive ability is at its best.

To sum up, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary
largely
in their opinion. I hold the view that teachers plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
role in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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