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Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. v. 1
TECHNOLOGY HAS BECOME MORE ADVANCED NOWADAYS. CERTAIN PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MOTOR CAR GIVES MORE FLEXIBILITY FOR TRAVELING AROUND THE CITIES WHERE AS OPPOSITE FOLKS SAY THAT CYCLE IS THE BEST TO TRAVEL FROM ONE PLACE TO OTHER. FIRSTLY, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW FOUR WHEELER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SHORTER COMMUTING HOURS AND SECONDLY, HOW THE TWO-WHEELER GIVES MORE ADVANTAGES TO AN INDIVIDUAL AND STATE THE OPINION ACCORDING TO THE NEEDS. ON THE ONE HAND, AUTOMOBILE GIVES MORE PERSONAL SPACE IN LIFE AS PERSON DOES NOT HAVE TO LEAVE EARLY PRIOR TO ANY WORK. THIS, ALLOWS HIM TO FINISH VARIOUS TASK AND ABLE TO FULLFIL THE TIME DEMANDS OF THE DAY. FOR EXAMPLE, MORE THAN 80% OF THE PEOPLE USE THE CARS TODAY AND HENCE, THEY ARE ABLE TO SLEEP REGULAR HOURS FOR THE DAY. HOWEVER, USING OWN MOTOR VEHICLE CONTRIBUTES IN GLOBAL WARMING EFFECT WHICH IS NOT GOOD FOR FURTHER FUTURE. ON THE OTHER HAND, BICYCLE HAS ESSENTIAL PROS, THE PRIME ADVANTAGE IS THAT PERSON WILL BE HEALTHY IF HE RIDES A CYCLE. BECAUSE IT HAS INVOLVED SOME PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. MOREOVER, CYCLE DO NOT DAMAGE THE ENVIRONMENT AS IT DOES NOT EXUAST THE DANGEROUS FUMES LIKE CARBON MONOXIDE. FOR INSTANCE, 90% OF THE DOCTORE ADVICE THE HEART PATIENT TO RIDE A BICYCLE FOR MAINTANIG THE BODY FITNESS. NONETHELESS, IT IS TIME CONSUMING AND FOR LONGER COMMUTING PLACE, IT IS HARD TO RIDE CONTINUESLY. FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I BELIEVE, IF YOU WANT TO ROAM IN THE CITY, A BICYCLE IS THE PREFERABLE DUE TO NO POLLUTION CAUSED WITH IT AND IF ONE WANTS TO GO TO FAR PLACES, USE THE CAR AS IT TAKES LESS HOURS TO REACH THERE. IN CONCLUSIO, BOTH THE CAR AND A BIYCLE HAVE ITS OWN MERITS AND DEMERITS BUT, IF PERSON USE THE VEHICLE WISELY, THEN SURELY, THERE WILL BE NO DAMAGE TO ANY PROPERTY.
TECHNOLOGY HAS BECOME MORE ADVANCED NOWADAYS. CERTAIN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
BELIEVE THAT MOTOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CAR
GIVES MORE FLEXIBILITY FOR TRAVELING AROUND THE CITIES
Did you mean "WHEREAS"?
WHERE AS
OPPOSITE FOLKS SAY THAT CYCLE IS THE BEST TO TRAVEL FROM ONE PLACE TO OTHER.
FIRSTLY
, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW FOUR
Possible agreement error. The noun 'WHEELER' seems to be countable, so consider using: "wheelers".
WHEELER
IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SHORTER COMMUTING HOURS AND
SECONDLY
, HOW THE TWO-WHEELER GIVES MORE ADVANTAGES TO AN INDIVIDUAL AND STATE THE OPINION ACCORDING TO THE NEEDS.

ON THE ONE HAND, AUTOMOBILE GIVES MORE PERSONAL SPACE IN LIFE AS PERSON DOES NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LEAVE
EARLY PRIOR TO ANY WORK. THIS,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOWS
HIM TO FINISH VARIOUS TASK AND ABLE TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
FULLFIL
THE TIME DEMANDS OF THE DAY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, MORE THAN 80% OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CARS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
AND
HENCE
, THEY ARE ABLE TO SLEEP REGULAR HOURS FOR THE DAY.
HOWEVER
, USING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
MOTOR VEHICLE CONTRIBUTES IN GLOBAL WARMING EFFECT WHICH IS NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
FOR
FURTHER
FUTURE.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, BICYCLE HAS ESSENTIAL PROS, THE PRIME ADVANTAGE IS THAT PERSON WILL BE HEALTHY IF HE RIDES A CYCLE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT HAS INVOLVED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
MOREOVER
, CYCLE DO NOT DAMAGE THE ENVIRONMENT AS IT DOES NOT
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXUAST
THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DANGEROUS
FUMES LIKE CARBON MONOXIDE.
FOR INSTANCE
, 90% OF THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
DOCTORE
ADVICE THE HEART PATIENT TO RIDE A BICYCLE FOR
Possible spelling mistake found.
MAINTANIG
THE BODY FITNESS. NONETHELESS, IT IS TIME CONSUMING AND FOR LONGER COMMUTING PLACE, IT IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
TO RIDE
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONTINUESLY
.

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I BELIEVE, IF YOU WANT TO ROAM IN THE CITY, A BICYCLE IS THE PREFERABLE DUE TO NO POLLUTION CAUSED WITH IT AND IF ONE WANTS TO GO TO FAR PLACES,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CAR
AS IT TAKES
Did you mean "fewer HOURS"?
LESS HOURS
TO REACH THERE.

IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONCLUSIO
, BOTH THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CAR
AND A
Possible spelling mistake found.
BIYCLE
HAVE ITS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
MERITS AND DEMERITS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, IF PERSON
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE VEHICLE
WISELY
, THEN
SURELY
, THERE WILL BE NO DAMAGE TO ANY PROPERTY.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents have the greater influence on their child's developed, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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