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Some people think the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 1
Space exploration is a key area where many governments spend billions of dollars each year. Many people believe that the money spent by the governments in order to improve space exploration technology is unjustified because this money can be spent beneficially for other improvements. I fully agree with the idea that the amount of budget put aside for space research projects can be used to improve the lives of poor people, and reduce environmental problems. First of all, exploring space is a costly venture. Travelling to outer space requires state-of-the-art equipment and complicated devices, not to mention the education and training of astronauts. For instance, In 1973, the total cost of the Apollo program was reported to the US Congress as being $196 billion, a figure which is higher than the outcome. If the figure was used to invest in underdeveloped countries where suffer from food scarcity, lack of medicine, poor infrastructure as well educational facilities, the life standard of people would boosted. Therefore, billions of dollars required for space research programs would benefit millions of people. Another point to consider is that there is no guarantee whether a habitable planet can be found or not. However, scientists are still consistently searching for a livable planet today. Due to the uncertainty about another habitable planet, governments should prioritize to save the Earth, and address the problems which it possesses these days. For example, governments can invest a large sum of money to solve environmental problems such as air pollution, global warming, deforestation, marine pollution as well as melting glaciers instead of exploring space. Hence, policy makers should focus on the concerning issues of our planet in associated with the environment. In conclusion, space research has become a major focus of many governments over recent years. I completely, however, agree with the idea that the budget spent for it can solve the growing problems which exist in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
exploration is a key area where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend billions of dollars each year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the money spent by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration technology
is unjustified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this money can
be spent
beneficially
for other improvements. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the amount of budget put aside for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research projects can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental problems.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is a costly venture. Travelling to outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
requires state-of-the-art equipment and complicated devices, not to mention the education and training of astronauts.
For instance
, In 1973, the total cost of the Apollo program
was reported
to the US Congress as being $196 billion, a figure which is higher than the outcome. If the figure was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to invest in underdeveloped countries where suffer from food scarcity, lack of medicine, poor infrastructure
as well
educational facilities, the life standard of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "boost"
boosted
.
Therefore
, billions of dollars required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research programs would benefit millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another point to consider is that there is no guarantee whether a habitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
can
be found
or not.
However
, scientists are
still
consistently
searching for a livable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Due to the uncertainty about another habitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should prioritize to save the Earth, and address the problems which it possesses these days.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can invest a large sum of money to solve environmental problems such as air pollution, global warming, deforestation, marine pollution
as well
as melting glaciers
instead
of exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
Hence
,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
should focus on the concerning issues of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
in associated with the environment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research has become a major focus of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
over recent years. I completely,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the budget spent for it can solve the growing problems which exist in the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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