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Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree? （2018. 12. 01 v.2

Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. （2018. 12. 01 v. 2
It is true that human is going to suffer from a variety of problems in the near decades, such as a population explosion and an energy crisis. While I do believe there are so many unsolved problems in our society that require money, it is still justified and necessary to spend money on exploring the universe. Granted, pouring money on other areas does bring more benefits. This is because money from the governments has addressed many existing problems on developing countries, such as a food shortage, inadequate energy supply and poor infrastructure. Nevertheless, these problems are also key obstacles to developments in underdeveloped regions, which means if there are more funds on such issues, the crime rate will reduce in those areas and people working there are motivated to work harder. Apparently, spending money in this way is more meaningful for mankind than in space explorations. However, that is not to say we should stop investing money on space exploration. Our universe is rich in resources than we can ever imagine, and once our technology reach the level of gaining such resources, the problems that we faced in the future might be eradicated once and for all. For example, the US government has been progressing their technology in studying mysterious Mars, and NASA recently confirms evidence that liquid water flows on today’s Mars. This breaking news indicates that in the future mankind is able to live beyond the Earth to satisfy the increasing need of population. From the perspective of scientific research, huge breakthroughs in medicine and constructing will come in when our high-tech spacecrafts discover life or rare metal that do not exist on the Earth. In conclusion, it seems to me that spending money on social issues is more significant, while we still have to share the cost of the technology for space exploration to seek help in tackling upcoming problems.
It is true that human is going to suffer from a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the near decades, such as a population explosion and an energy crisis. While I do believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unsolved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in our society that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is
still
justified and necessary to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on exploring the universe.

Granted, pouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on other areas does bring more benefits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
has addressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, such as a food shortage, inadequate energy supply and poor infrastructure.
Nevertheless
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
also
key obstacles to developments in underdeveloped regions, which means if there are more funds on such issues, the crime rate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
in those areas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working there
are motivated
to work harder.
Apparently
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this way is more meaningful for mankind than in space explorations.

However
,
that is
not to say we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on space exploration. Our universe is rich in resources than we can ever imagine, and once our technology reach the level of gaining such resources, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that we faced in the future might
be eradicated
once and for all.
For example
, the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has been progressing their technology in studying mysterious Mars, and NASA recently confirms evidence that liquid water flows on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s Mars. This breaking news indicates that in the future mankind is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
beyond the Earth to satisfy the increasing need of population. From the perspective of scientific research, huge breakthroughs in medicine and constructing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in when our high-tech spacecrafts discover life or rare metal that do not exist on the Earth.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on social issues is more significant, while we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
share the cost of the technology for space exploration to seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in tackling upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
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IELTS essay Some people think the money spent in developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. （2018. 12. 01 v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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