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Some people think money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some people think money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 2
Million of dollars are spent for space research, technology and trainings, to discover the outer space and its hidden secrets. Some people think that the money is using for development is a good step, but for others is huge and not acceptable, they can benefit from it in other ways that help people. We are living in this space, in one its planet “Earth”; spending money for some scientist and researchers is a good stop for our future. First, spending money on developed equipment’s that aid to pass difficulties in danger places in space and help to discover if there is life and other creatures. Second, money should be spent to determine if there is any other planet like Earth, have living resources such as, water, oxygen or oil. Moreover, many planets aren’t realized yet and can cause threat to Earth, due to meteorites that are spread in the space and many falls on and cause damages to Earth. For example, the Russian Aerospace are working on developing their sector, since they’ve found millions of meteors are swimming in the space and danger on us. In my opinion I disagree, since God who created this world can control everything. On the other hand, money can be used in many ways to help nations, rather than spending them on developing space technology. Millions of dollars can save millions of lives, it can stop poverty and starvation in many continents like Africa, Asia and South America and help these people to survive and develop their country. Second, this money can be used to discover treatments for chronic diseases to end it and give life to young or old individuals. However, money can be delivered for other technology, to solve the pollution issue and find a final solution for this threat, that affecting on global warming and leading to increase in the temperature of Earth and melting the North Pole. For example, NASA spend a lot of money each year on developing their sector, but until today they didn’t discover the next part of the moon. From my side I agree, that this money can help many people to stay alive. In conclusion, many people prefer to stop spending money on space technology, where they can benefit from it for better things and develop their countries. In my opinion, I think that this money will assist many people to stay alive and have a healthy life.
Use "a Million" or use a number before 'Million'.
Million
of dollars
are spent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and trainings, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
the outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and its hidden secrets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is using for development is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for others is huge and not acceptable, they can benefit from it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

We are living in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, in one its planet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Earth”
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientist and researchers is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
for our future.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on developed equipment’s that aid to pass difficulties in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
places in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
if there is life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creatures. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
to determine if there is any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planet like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
, have living resources such as, water, oxygen or oil.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
planets aren’t realized
yet
and can cause threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
, due to meteorites that
are spread
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
falls on and cause damages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
.
For example
, the Russian Aerospace are working on developing their sector, since they’ve found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of meteors are swimming in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
on us. In my opinion I disagree, since God who created this world can control everything.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
nations,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
them on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Millions
of dollars can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
poverty and starvation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
continents like Africa, Asia and South America and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to survive and develop their country. Second, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
treatments for chronic diseases to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
it and give life to young or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
individuals.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be delivered
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, to solve the pollution issue and find a final solution for this threat, that affecting on global warming and leading to increase in the temperature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
and melting the North Pole.
For example
, NASA
The singular proper name 'NASA' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spends", "spent".
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
each year on developing their sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
the
next
part of the moon. From my side I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay alive.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, where they can benefit from it for better things and develop their countries. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will assist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay alive and have a healthy life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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