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Some people think the media (including newspaper, televisions, radio, and internet sources) are less concerned with the accuracy of news. Some people think the information from the media are becoming incorrect. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion o v.1

Some people think the media (including newspaper, televisions, radio, and internet sources) are less concerned with the accuracy of news. Some people think the information from the media are becoming incorrect. with this opinion o v. 1
In this fast paced life, people become success-oriented and everyone is in the race of getting high educational qualifications. Undoubtedly, this increases the tension among the school and tertiary level students to become good competitors and therefore, students are put under a high amount of pressure to work hard at a very early age. However, as stress can be a hindrance in the overall development of any one, it certainly impacts negatively on students. To begin with, when pupils are in pressure, they do not understand what they have learned, hence, to get a high score they generally prefer rote-learning method. Though, this method of learning may useful to get a good result, it does not make the students' basic knowledge clear. For example, to become a good engineer or a doctor, one must have a thorough understanding of any subject, which is only possible when the students' base is clear. Moreover, school and college students are agile and impulsive. If they get a lot of burden on their shoulders, they may become aggressive and violent in several severe cases, which creates chaos in the society. Furthermore, some students cannot tolerate the burden and they end up with their lives. For instance, a study, by the Asia Education Centre, has revealed that, more than twenty percent of students attempt suicide, because of the academic pressure. So that, teachers should teach students according to their learning capacity, rather than putting pressure on them. To conclude, as students are the future of the nation, they should be lived freely without any burden. The overall development of children can evolve them into better citizens.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
success-oriented and everyone is in the race of getting high educational qualifications.
Undoubtedly
, this increases the tension among the school and tertiary level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
competitors and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are put
under a high amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
However
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
can be a hindrance in the
overall
development of
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
, it
certainly
impacts
negatively
on students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when pupils are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, they do not understand what they have learned,
hence
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high score they
generally
prefer rote-learning method. Though, this method of learning may useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the students' basic knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
For example
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
engineer or a doctor, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a thorough understanding of any subject, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible when the students' base is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

Moreover
, school and college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are agile and impulsive. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
burden on their shoulders, they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
aggressive and violent in several severe cases, which creates chaos in the society.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot tolerate the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
burden and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, a study, by the Asia Education
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
, has revealed that, more than twenty percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attempt suicide,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, teachers should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
according to their learning capacity,
rather
than putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on them.

To conclude
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the future of the nation, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
freely
without any burden. The
overall
development of children can evolve them into better citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the media (including newspaper, televisions, radio, and internet sources) are less concerned with the accuracy of news. Some people think the information from the media are becoming incorrect. with this opinion o v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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