Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.3

Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 3
In these recent years, the affair of shifting people from rural to urban area tends to be one of the most ordinary shortcomings for the all walks of inhabitants. I personally believe that a significant number of reasons appear to be responsible for this drawback. However, I am going to outline some workable initiatives so as to overcome this particular problem prior to giving a reasoned conclusion. In fact, a wide range of reasons seem to be found to take place this shortcoming. The first and foremost reason is that rural people are less likely to have lower income. To give an example, as agricultural areas do not have employment and business opportunities, most of the time people tend to be unemployed. Another most striking point is that village people want to lead standard life. To cite an example, though rural people are poor, they want to lead standard life like urban people because of that people are moving towards cities. Last but not least, most of the time agricultural areas people do not get proper communication, health, education facilities as a result people bound to come big cities. However, so as to get rid of this problem, a couple of effective steps ought to be taken into account properly. To begin with, government should create employment and business sector. For instance, poultry and fish farm development projects have to be implemented so as to develop rural region. Another worth mentioning solution could be that creating a huge numeral of hospitals, roads and educational institutions. For example, if government developed those institutions in rural side, people do not need to come urban side. Moreover, people have to educate that moving developed regions is not a good idea in terms of surviving. To sum up, although this drawback seems to consist of numerous of reasons, it appears to be possible in order to overcome, if the above steps are maintained and applied in an efficient way.
In these recent years, the affair of shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
to urban area tends to be one of the most ordinary shortcomings for the all walks of inhabitants. I
personally
believe that a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
appear to be responsible for this drawback.
However
, I am going to outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
initiatives
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
overcome this particular problem prior to giving a reasoned conclusion.

In fact, a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
seem to
be found
to take place this shortcoming. The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less likely to have lower income. To give an example, as agricultural areas do not have employment and business opportunities, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
be unemployed
. Another most striking point is that village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to lead standard life. To cite an example, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are poor, they want to lead standard life like urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving towards cities. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, most of the time agricultural areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper communication, health, education facilities
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bound to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.

However
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this problem, a couple of effective steps ought to
be taken
into account
properly
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create employment and business sector.
For instance
, poultry and fish farm development projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be implemented
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
region. Another worth mentioning solution could be that creating a huge numeral of hospitals, roads and educational institutions.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
developed those institutions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
urban side.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate that moving developed regions is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in terms of surviving.

To sum up, although this drawback seems to consist of numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, it appears to be possible in order to overcome, if the above steps
are maintained
and applied
Consider replacing "in an efficient way" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient way
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts