Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v.1

Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 1
How much freedom should be given to children to make decisions on every matter is controversial. While some people think that not restricting children will result in individuals who think about their own wishes, others are of the opinion that it is necessary to allow children to make their own decisions that affects them and their growth. According to my point of view, parents should neither completely give liberty to their offspring to make decisions nor they should restrain them in every decision. This essay will analyse both the views in the subsequent paragraphs. On one hand, permitting their child to make all the decisions can result in making a child feel that he/she can do whatever they like to do. It can indulge a sense of selfishness and self- centred attitude in a child’s mind when they grow up. Also, it can affect them mentally and physically. For instance, if a child makes a decision to eat junk food on a daily basis, it might lead to obesity, which is harmful for their health. This is why parents make some decisions for their wards to deter them from making decisions which might have drastic consequences that are not good for their physical and psychological growth. On the other hand, not allowing them to make decisions about their own self can result in lack of confidence. Moreover, they won’t become independent in making decisions and will always be depended on their parents. Recent research has proved that childhood experience leaves a permanent impact on children’s behaviour and thinking pattern. Further, if children lack the freedom of choice, they would end up being less creative than those who have the freedom to choose whatever they like and make their own decisions. To conclude, the society along with parents should allow youngsters to make their own decisions, but there should be a boundary to this liberty.
How much freedom should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on every matter is controversial. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that not restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will result in individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes, others are of the opinion that it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that affects them and their growth. According to my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should neither completely give liberty to their offspring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
decisions nor
they should restrain them in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the views in the subsequent paragraphs.

On one hand, permitting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
can result in making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
feel that he/she can do whatever they like to do. It can indulge a sense of selfishness and self-
Possible spelling mistake. 'centred' is British English.
centred
attitude in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
mind when they grow up.
Also
, it can affect them mentally and
physically
.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to eat junk food on a daily basis, it might lead to obesity, which is harmful for their health. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their wards to deter them from making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
which might have drastic consequences that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their physical and psychological growth.

On the other hand
, not allowing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self can result in lack of confidence.
Moreover
, they won’t become independent in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and will always
be depended
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Recent research has proved that childhood experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a permanent impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and thinking pattern.
Further
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack the freedom of choice, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being less creative than those who have the freedom to choose whatever they like and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

To conclude
, the society along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a boundary to this liberty.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts