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Some people think the main reason for success is hard work and determination. While other people think factors like money and personal appearance are also important. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. v.1

Some people think the main reason for success is hard work and determination. While other people think factors like money and personal appearance are also important. v. 1
There is a heated debate concerning the factors of success. Some are of the opinion that the key factors are efforts and resolution, whereas others believe that there are other crucial factors like looks and fortune. In this essay, these two arguments will be explored. People advocate the idea that hard-working and resolution are major causes of success. For one thing, Studious people can make full use of the limited lifetime to strive for success, which can surpass and outcompete with their rivals. For instance, the story of “Los Angeles at 4: 00 in the morning” comes from the famous basketball star Kobe Bryant, whose achievement owes much to the fact that he spent more time practising than other people. It is the hard-working individuals that harvest success. Meanwhile, it is necessary for people to have a firm resolution to be successful. This is because this mind can become a driving force to support people. It can prevent them from disorientation, so they will not give up easily when they feel difficult, which assists them to reach the destination of success. Others believe that success is associated with physical appearance and money. To begin with, good-looking people easily build a cohesive relationship with other people, which increases the likelihood of being successful. Specifically, appearance is associated with traits and attributes, which dressing up appropriately can leave a good impression on others, such as be perceived as smart, respectable and well-organized. It can boost our confidence, self-esteem and we can easily connect with others, thereby promoting success. Besides, money can be exchanged for other resources. Compared with pool people, wealthy people can spend money to get top educational resources, even monopolize those resources, which enhances their competitiveness. This is because those rich people can make use of their resources to accumulate advantages, thereby having a greater chance of achieving greater achievements. In conclusion, in my opinion, while effort and resolution are significant to success, reasons such as financial resources and countenance increase the probability of success. Thus, they are equally significant when achieving success.
There is a heated debate concerning the factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that the key factors are efforts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resolution
, whereas others believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial factors like looks and fortune. In this essay, these two arguments will
be explored
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resolution
are major causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. For one thing, Studious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the limited lifetime to strive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, which can surpass and
Possible spelling mistake found.
outcompete
with their rivals.
For instance
, the story of “Los Angeles at 4: 00 in the morning”
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
basketball star Kobe Bryant, whose achievement owes much to the fact that he spent more time
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working individuals that harvest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Meanwhile, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a firm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resolution
to be successful. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this mind can become a driving force to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from disorientation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not give up
easily
when they feel difficult, which assists them to reach the destination of success.

Others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is associated
with physical appearance and money. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
build a cohesive relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which increases the likelihood of being successful.
Specifically
, appearance
is associated
with traits and attributes, which dressing up
appropriately
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression on others, such as
be perceived
as smart, respectable and well-organized. It can boost our confidence,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
self-esteem and
we can
easily
connect with others, thereby promoting success.

Besides
, money can
be exchanged
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resources. Compared with pool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
top educational resources, even monopolize those resources, which enhances their competitiveness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their resources to accumulate advantages, thereby having a greater chance of achieving greater achievements.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, while effort and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resolution
are significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, reasons such as financial resources and countenance increase the probability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Thus
, they are
equally
significant when achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the main reason for success is hard work and determination. While other people think factors like money and personal appearance are also important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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