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Some people think the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society, others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society, others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. v. 1
Nowadays, more and more people are concerned about the purpose that education serves. Some people state that education is as the tool for the advantages of society, while I believe that education fulfill the individual target. On the one hand, it is clear that students with the best education perform the high level of moral standard than who absorb the low level of education. This is because education help foster in the young the morally sound values and outlook on the world and life. Moreover, these students are able to realize the importance of being a part of public service such as work as volunteers, take part in charity organizations to improve the society. Therefore, it is important that education provided the numbers of individuals for the sake of society. On the other hand, in the modern life, an increasing number of people pay attention about the ambitious for their social status or earning a lot of money. I believe that the main purpose of education is to satisfy the personal gold. This leads to students make an attempt to be master in many fields as much as possible. For example, students are tending to into high and higher education for becoming qualified employees to earn a living and achieve life value. It is cannot deny that with the sustainable education of various knowledge and practical and professional skills, which is a prosperous road for personal freedom and fulfillment. In conclusion, the major function of education is to reach individual satisfaction like power and money. Besides, education also helps people have proper in perspective.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the purpose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
serves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is as the tool for the advantages of society, while I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fulfill the individual target.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
perform the high level of moral
Use "(standard)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
standard
than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
absorb the low level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foster in the young the
morally
sound values and outlook on the world and life.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to realize the importance of being a part of public service such as work as volunteers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in charity organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the society.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provided the numbers of individuals for the sake of society.

On the other hand
, in the modern life, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay attention about the ambitious for their social status or earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. I believe that the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to satisfy the personal gold. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an attempt to be master in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields as much as possible.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are tending to into high and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for becoming qualified employees to earn a living and achieve life value. It is cannot deny that with the sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of various knowledge and practical and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which is a prosperous road for personal freedom and fulfillment.

In conclusion
, the major function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to reach individual satisfaction like power and money.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have proper in perspective.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society, others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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