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Some people think that the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society while others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give opinion? v.1

Some people think that the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society while others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. v. 1
It is true that education brightens our life in numerous ways. While some people state that the aim of education is to make individuals contribute to the development of a country; others believe that education is a pathway to help people achieve their goals. Personally, I completely agree with the former view for a number of reasons. On the one hand, there are several reasons why education helps individuals achieve their ambitions. It is widely acknowledged that individualism becomes a major trend where people put aside social aspect. Firstly, education opens pathways to new opportunities. For example, a person who receives higher education has a chance to study abroad. As a result, he is exposed to new culture and language. Secondly, receiving good education allows people to get a good position in the job market which is more and more competitive. Therefore, these people have a high salary which leads to a fulfilling life. On the other hand, I believe that it is necessary for people to devote to their countries through education. To begin with, the ultimate aim of education is to contribute and implement the knowledge for the prosperity of society. For example, those who are expertise in agriculture need to train farmers to apply advanced technologies into their jobs in order to produce high-quality products. Therefore, schools should encourage individuals to achieve their education for the sake of benefitting others. In addition, educated people would create higher productivity in jobs compared with those who do not receive formal education which leads to the sustainable development of a country. In conclusion, it seems to me that education should be used to contribute to the progress of a nation rather than to serve personal benefits.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brightens our life in numerous ways. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals contribute to the development of a country; others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a pathway to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve their goals.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view for a number of reasons.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals achieve their ambitions. It is
widely
acknowledged that individualism becomes a major trend where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put aside social aspect.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
opens pathways to new opportunities.
For example
, a person who receives higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a chance to study abroad.
As a result
, he
is exposed
to new culture and language.
Secondly
, receiving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in the job market which is more and more competitive.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a high salary which leads to a fulfilling life.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to devote to their countries through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the ultimate aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to contribute and implement the knowledge for the prosperity of society.
For example
, those who are expertise in agriculture need to train farmers to apply advanced technologies into their jobs in order to produce high-quality products.
Therefore
, schools should encourage individuals to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the sake of
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
others.
In addition
, educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would create higher productivity in jobs compared with those who do not receive formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which leads to the sustainable development of a country.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to contribute to the progress of a nation
rather
than to serve personal benefits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the main purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society while others say education helps them to achieve personal ambitions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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