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People behave differently when they wear different type of clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? v.1

People behave differently when they wear different type of clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? v. 1
Different clothes influence people to behave differently, not because it has altered themselves, but because people's perception of them has changed. It is considered that the actions of individuals vary according to their appearance. However, I will enunciate both points in favour as well as against this ideology in subsequent paragraphs. First of all, the clothes change the way people behave, every transforming action is suitable for a particular situation. In other words, the environment along with different attires require the distinct ways, and in day to day life, people act according to the requirements of that place in terms of outfits for making successful interactions. If people wear branded/labelled clothes, then they may represent themselves in richer category. The researchers believe that clothing holds symbolic meaning, they claim that the influence of clothes depend both on wearing the clothes and meaning it invokes (represent) in people's hand, as by wearing lab coat, individuals behave as a highly intelligent and precise personality even sometimes they are not. Nevertheless, there is a minority of those people who do not need to change their clothes to impress others and the minor group includes, probably, those self- confident and or those indi6who do care about the thinking of others, as these individuals think that it is possible to gain popularity without creating any psychological impact on others’ mind. Moreover, owing to the innate abilities, people exhibit distinct patterns of manners like education and moral values vary in different regions and common forms of habits are not similar in the diverse world. Some mortals are open minded in their daily interactions, so, for them clothes do not matter at all. To conclude, although some people wear different attires to make snap judgment about themselves in front of others, but this thing is not true/appropriate in all the conditions as human internal actions are of extreme importance for depicting nature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to behave
differently
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has altered themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's perception of them has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. It
is considered
that the actions of individuals vary according to their appearance.
However
, I will enunciate both points in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
against this ideology in subsequent paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave, every transforming action is suitable for a particular situation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the environment along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
attires require the distinct ways, and in day to day life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act according to the requirements of that place in terms of outfits for making successful interactions. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear branded/labelled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, then they may represent themselves in richer category. The researchers believe that clothing holds symbolic meaning, they claim that the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
depend both on wearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and meaning it invokes (represent) in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's hand, as by wearing lab coat, individuals behave as a
highly
intelligent and precise personality even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are not.

Nevertheless
, there is a minority of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
to impress others and the minor group includes,
probably
, those self- confident and or those indi6who do care about the thinking of others, as these individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is possible to gain popularity without creating any psychological impact on others’ mind.
Moreover
, owing to the innate abilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exhibit distinct patterns of manners like education and moral values vary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
regions and common forms of habits are not similar in the diverse world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mortals are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
in their daily interactions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
do not matter at all.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
attires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
snap judgment about themselves in front of others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this thing is not true/appropriate in all the conditions as human internal actions are of extreme importance for depicting nature.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay People behave differently when they wear different type of clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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