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Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and incl v.3

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 3
Since time immemorial, different countries collaborate with each other for improving their social, political, and economic situations in the cities. Nobody can deny that such cooperation could lead to negative consequences as well. Whilst, I believe that there are strong arguments on both sides, I would suggest that development of international contacts has impact that is more positive. There are number of reasons why countries have to work together. First, not every country has enough natural and capital resources for effective development. That’s why, trade with each other is an essential part of their everyday operations. Another issue is that the immigration is the factor of utmost importance, which has led to the global surge in economic development. Only professionals can support an appropriate level of bank system working or, for instance, education sector. Turning to other side of argument, collaboration between countries has also a negative influence. For example, after massive migration people with different values, level of income, and attitude to the national authorities begin to live as neighbors. By everyday communication, they continue to lose their roots, to acquire new habits or even to forget their mother language. All of this could probably be a cause of losing national identities of the citizens or some developing countries could disappear with their unique history and traditions. To conclude, I strong believe that advantages of increasing contacts between countries outweigh the negative influence of this collaboration. It would be impossible for some nations to continue their development in various spheres without such cooperation. That’s why, this part of globalization is efficient and has a positive effect on all countries, as long as it used intelligently.
Since time immemorial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
collaborate with each other for improving their social, political, and economic situations in the cities. Nobody can deny that such cooperation could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences
as well
. Whilst, I believe that there are strong arguments on both sides, I would suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of international contacts has impact
that is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

There are number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work together.
First
, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
natural and capital resources for effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. That’s why, trade with each other is an essential part of their everyday operations. Another issue is that the immigration is the factor of utmost importance, which has led to the global surge in economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
professionals can support an appropriate level of bank system working or,
for instance
, education sector.

Turning to other side of argument, collaboration between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence.
For example
, after massive migration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
values, level of income, and attitude to the national authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as neighbors. By everyday communication, they continue to lose their roots, to acquire new habits or even to forget their mother language. All of this could
probably
be a cause of losing national identities of the citizens or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could disappear with their unique history and traditions.

To conclude
, I strong
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that advantages of increasing contacts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence of this collaboration. It would be impossible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in various spheres without such cooperation. That’s why, this part of globalization is efficient and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as long as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
intelligently
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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