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Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. v. 1
Information imparted in school children by teachers is thought by some individuals to be useless, others, however, consider it useful at some point in the children’s lives. Although the things tutors teach these children are difficult to comprehend, I believe every knowledge is vital and important for their future. It is argued by some individuals that the things lecturers teach children are a waste of time because the children might not understand it. This is because their brain is still tender and cannot decipher many information. For instance, youngsters might not be able to solve quadratic equation at the primary school level because their problem solving skills has not fully developed. So, children might not be able to decode some of the things taught them if they have not gotten to that level. On the other side of the argument are those who believe that whatever tutors teach the children is relevant to their future. I agree with this set of individuals because all knowledge is vital no matter how insignificant it might be. For example, my niece was taught how to produce liquid soap in her elementary school days, and that formed her entrepreneurial skills. Today, she is the chief executive director of Viola dish washing limited. Therefore, every information that is taught schools benefit the children one way or another. In conclusion, despite people vary in their opinions, l believe the things that lecturers teach the children essential because it can shape their future occupation. Given this reason, school authorities should inculcate all curriculum necessary for children’s growth and development.
Information imparted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by teachers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals to be useless, others,
however
, consider it useful at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Although the things tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are difficult to comprehend, I believe every knowledge is vital and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their future.

It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that the things lecturers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are a waste of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not understand it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their brain is
still
tender and cannot decipher
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much information", "a good deal of information".
many information
.
For instance
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to solve quadratic equation at the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
has not
fully
developed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to decode
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
things taught them if they have not gotten to that level.

On the other side of the argument are those who believe that whatever tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is relevant to their future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this set of individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all knowledge is vital no matter how insignificant it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be.
For example
, my niece
was taught
how to produce liquid soap in her elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days, and that formed her entrepreneurial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, she is the chief executive director of Viola dish washing limited.
Therefore
, every information that
is taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
one way or another.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
vary in their opinions, l believe the things that lecturers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can shape their future occupation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities should inculcate all curriculum necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth and development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel these leading to loss of national identities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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