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Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and incl v.1

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 1
In some places in the US, a rule is enforced, in which youngsters are not allowed to go out of their homes after a certain time at night except they are followed by an older person. This essay agrees with the statement that adolescents should not be allowed to go out after a given period of time at night unless accompanied by an adult. To begin with, one rationale for consenting with the statement is that children might decide to visit club houses, and engage in illicit behaviour. Because they probably think it is satisfying to do so. For instance, adolescents might visit club houses and start taking alcohol and narcotics, even though they are not matured enough to indulge in such behaviour, Furthermore, certain areas in the US are extremely dangerous and unsafe for youngsters going out on their own. Children can easily be traffic if they go out unaccompanied. For example, The New York Times recently reported that 52% of adolescents who went out after a particular time in the night were declared missing after they failed to return home. Nevertheless, if they had returned home could be free to go out at night without any form of restrictions. In conclusion, due to teens not matured enough to handle certain situations on their own and the peculiar problems associated with certain areas in the US, I believe that than under no circumstance should they be allowed to go out alone after a particular time at night except accompanied by an adult.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in the US, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
is enforced
, in which youngsters are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out of their homes after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
except they
are followed
by an older person. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement that adolescents should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
unless accompanied by an adult.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one rationale for consenting with the statement is that children might decide to visit club
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, and engage in illicit
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is satisfying to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
For instance
, adolescents might visit club
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking alcohol and narcotics,
even though
they are not matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to indulge in such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
areas in the US are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and unsafe for youngsters going out on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Children can
easily
be traffic if they go out unaccompanied.
For example
, The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
recently reported that 52% of adolescents who went out after a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
were declared
missing after they failed to return home.
Nevertheless
, if they had returned home could be free to go out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without any form of restrictions.

In conclusion
, due to teens not matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
situations on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and the peculiar problems associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
areas in the US, I believe that than under no circumstance should they be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out alone after a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
except accompanied by an adult.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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