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Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. v. 4
in recent years, the mistreatment of animals in zoos has been increasing, causing some public controversy that whether zoos should be banned. Although it would be argued by some those zoos are beneficial to conserve endangered species, plenty of evidence suggests the opposite is true. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that zoos are good for animals. First, by bringing visitors and animals together, zoos educate the public and foster an appreciation of the other species. This means that the public’s love for animals continues to grow, the number of people getting involved in animal welfare will continue to increase. Second, through breeding species at risk of extinction in the wild, zoos save and enhance the population of the endangered animals. For example, since China's Zoos have breeding programs for China giant pandas by artificial insemination, they are no longer endangered. On the other hand, I would argue that It would be better for animals when shutting down the zoos. First, it is clear that numerous zoos in the world have been abusing animals by not feeding them and making them do countless tricks. Banning zoological gardens may help them prevent from hurt. Second, since zoos have linked to numerous incidents of diseases including E. coli and ringworm, animals more susceptible to diseases. This means that they easily can be died and thrown away because zookeepers usually do not care about them when they are sick. In conclusion, some people think zoos bring more benefits for animals, I personally believe that zoos are harmful to animals and they should be banned.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
recent years, the mistreatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos has been increasing, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public controversy that whether zoos should
be banned
. Although it would
be argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
those zoos are beneficial to conserve endangered species,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence suggests the opposite is true.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that zoos are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
First
, by bringing visitors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
together, zoos educate the public and foster an appreciation of the other species. This means that the public’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
continues to grow, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
welfare will continue to increase. Second, through breeding species at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction in the wild, zoos save and enhance the population of the endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, since China's Zoos have breeding programs for China giant pandas by artificial insemination, they are no longer endangered.

On the other hand
, I would argue that It would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
when shutting down the zoos.
First
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that numerous zoos in the world have been abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by not feeding them and making them do countless tricks. Banning zoological gardens may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from hurt. Second, since zoos have linked to numerous incidents of diseases including E. coli and ringworm,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
more susceptible to diseases. This means that they
easily
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and thrown away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
zookeepers
usually
do not care about them when they are sick.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
zoos bring more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, I
personally
believe that zoos are harmful to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals and
they should
be banned
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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