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Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. v. 2
While some people are of the opinion that humans should close every zoo because of its cruelty, others believe that the zoos are ideal places to save endangered animals. Admittedly, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy which will be elaborated in this essay followed by a reasonable conclusion. To begin with, some individuals believe that zoo animals are kept in artificial environments. In other words, animals are kept in cages and also they have limited space that is a particular difference between living at the zoos and their homeland. Because they used to be free and move towards every side as they want, hence, it does not belong to their desire when they are preserved at the zoos. Even though they are fed by employees due to the schedule during the day and it causes to lose their freedom to hunt for food. Besides, zoos exhibit animals with the aim of making money. There is another side of the issue critics oppose to that zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. It means that while happening deleterious affairs such as deforestation, global warming, air pollution and hunting, the risk for animals multiplies significantly. Therefore, some species of animals are not now existing. Thus, the zoos aid to preserve endangered species as much they can through starting man-made living conditions up although they can not be the similar with natural one. Their efforts lessen the extinction of animals. By way of conclusion, although it is generally thought by many that the zoos are vicious so that they should be shut, the idea of protecting animals by the zoos is confirmed by others as much beneficial way. In my view, becoming liberated for animals would be every-sided adequate.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that humans should close every zoo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its cruelty, others believe that the zoos are ideal places to save endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Admittedly
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy which will
be elaborated
in this essay followed by a reasonable conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that zoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in artificial environments.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in cages and
also
they have limited space
that is
a particular difference between living at the zoos and their homeland.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards every side as they want,
hence
, it does not belong to their desire when they
are preserved
at the zoos.
Even though
they
are fed
by employees due to the schedule during the day and it causes to lose their freedom to hunt for food.
Besides
, zoos exhibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with the aim of making money.

There is another side of the issue critics oppose to that zoos play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in wildlife conservation. It means that while happening deleterious affairs such as deforestation, global warming, air pollution and hunting, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
multiplies
significantly
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
existing.
Thus
, the zoos aid to preserve endangered species as much they can through starting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made living conditions up although they can not be the similar with natural one. Their efforts lessen the extinction of animals.

By way of conclusion, although it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the zoos are vicious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they should
be shut
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by the zoos
is confirmed
by others as much beneficial way. In my view, becoming liberated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would be every-sided adequate.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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