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Some people believe that after a child enters school their teachers will have more influence than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that after a child enters school their teachers will have more influence than their parents. v. 2
After children hitting school, they received more influence from their teacher instead of father and mother. It is a normal phenomenon, since trainers play the role of hero in class without any rivals and requirements of children to experience a new society without parents could be another root of thin influence. The affection of children from teachers could be more than their fathers and mothers, since they are usually the unique hero of the class and children look at them as enthusiastic followers. The role of them is originated from competition among education recipients to attract the attention of the unique champion of the class, helping to trainers to boost the performance of students. Enjoyment of learning new lessons leads to the more popularization of such leadership. Education recipients assume that the unique leader of the class knows everything which originated from their mentor knows all aspects the lesson that they learn and consequently his/her words have deeper effects on students. Living 7 years, as the common age that children start formal education, is enough time that they are prepared for a new kind of world. During this time, The role of parents, who demonstrate their kindness is demonstrated through ups and downs, gradually have been changed from leadership to the supporting role for them. Seats of learning are the first community where children attend them and the lack of their previous hero results in excellent conditions to the advent of a new champion. Teachers, who have the most similarity in the aspect of age and maturity to their parents, occupied the place of leadership for this, in this state of affairs. In this sense, children could be impressed prominently by them, which fades out the influence of their family. In conclusion, most children after going to school are impressed by their teachers more than their family members, which stem from their needs to new role models and character of the teacher as a unique hero in class. The place of this impressive leader, who could affect the next generation, should never be taken for granted.
After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hitting school, they received more influence from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
instead
of father and mother. It is a normal phenomenon, since trainers play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of hero in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
without any rivals and requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
society without parents could be another root of thin influence.

The affection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
could be more than their fathers and mothers, since they are
usually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unique
hero of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
look at them as enthusiastic followers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of them
is originated
from competition among education recipients to attract the attention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unique
champion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, helping to trainers to boost the performance of students. Enjoyment of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lessons leads to the more popularization of such leadership. Education recipients assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unique
leader of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
knows everything which originated from their mentor knows all aspects the lesson that they learn and
consequently
his/her words have deeper effects on students.

Living 7 years, as the common age that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
formal education, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time that they
are prepared
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
kind of world. During this time, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of parents, who demonstrate their kindness
is demonstrated
through ups and downs,
gradually
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from leadership to the supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for them. Seats of learning are the
first
community where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend them and the lack of their previous hero results in excellent conditions to the advent of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
champion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
, who have the most similarity in the aspect of age and maturity to their parents, occupied the place of leadership for this, in this state of affairs. In this sense,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be impressed
prominently
by them, which fades out the influence of their family.

In conclusion
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after going to school
are impressed
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
more than their family members, which stem from their needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models and character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unique
hero in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. The place of this impressive leader, who could affect the
next
generation, should never
be taken
for granted.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that after a child enters school their teachers will have more influence than their parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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