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Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 5
While some people think that social problems and poverty lead to a crime, others believe that crime is a result of bad behaviour. Both views will be clarified in this essay. As is proven, a crime is a result of living under the poverty line. In this modern age, a group of people who suffer from living in poor conditions are prone to commit a crime. Eke, some ex-offenders endeavour to use the sensibility of the youth, encouraging them to break the law with the view to satisfy their basic demands. In addition, a number of individuals become criminals due to their social problems. In most cases, the issues result in committing a crime in the lives of adults since they are in the period of adolescence and try to solve even serious problems by themselves. There is an opinion that crime is mostly committed by people who are ill-bred. For instance, irrespective of the poverty or problems, well-bred individuals avoid breaking the law. If people are open-minded and rely on their right mind, they will manage to tackle any problem and change the lifestyle of themselves without committing a crime. Despite what condition people live in, they may become delinquents if they are inclined to break the law. Indeed, individuals who are strongly convinced to the availability of another better way to survive reject committing crimes in any circumstances. So, people demonstrating their misconduct are salient examples of those who are capable of becoming lawbreakers, beyond the fear of the outcomes of their misdeeds. To sum up, taking all thoughts aforementioned into consideration, I find a crime as a result of bad person's nature.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and poverty lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Both views will
be clarified
in this essay.

As
is proven
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of living under the poverty line. In this modern age, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from living in poor conditions are prone to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Eke,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ex-offenders
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the sensibility of the youth, encouraging them to break the law with the view to satisfy their basic demands.
In addition
, a number of individuals become criminals due to their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
In most cases
, the issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of adults since they are in the period of adolescence and try to solve even serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by themselves.

There is an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
mostly
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are ill-bred.
For instance
, irrespective of the poverty or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, well-bred individuals avoid breaking the law. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are open-minded and rely on their right mind, they will manage to tackle any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the lifestyle of themselves without committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Despite what condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, they may become delinquents if they
are inclined
to break the law.
Indeed
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
strongly
convinced to the availability of another better way to survive reject committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in any circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demonstrating their misconduct are salient examples of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are capable of becoming lawbreakers, beyond the fear of the outcomes of their misdeeds.

To sum up, taking all thoughts aforementioned into consideration, I find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
person's nature.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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